


Wrap around my soul (and tie me in your red thread) [HIATUS]

by seoulfulnights



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drama & Romance, Lingerie, Love Triangles, M/M, Office Setting, Pining, Romantic Comedy, Slow Burn, Social Differences, True Love, Unrequited Love, flatmates AU, it's gonna be a long ass ride, minhyuk can't decide, pining Kihyun, wonho is on a constant search for his manga prince soulmate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2019-08-14 06:04:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16487198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seoulfulnights/pseuds/seoulfulnights
Summary: Things are never easy in Apartment 514. Wonho, for example, is trying to find his pink haired manga prince with eyes as deep as the ocean where he found his soulmate. Kihyun is obvious to anyone but the one he has feelings for, while Changkyun has a hard time hiding his crush on his hopeless hyung - not the right one. And Minhyuk just can't seem to make up his mind about who he wants. In between all the drama, sex and heartache lies some philosophy on what it's all about. A red scarf.





	1. Apartment 514

**Author's Note:**

> for my other half.
> 
>  

This is a story about a scarf and how some literal red thread has brought together two people sharing one soul. How despite every hardship that could pull them apart, they still found a way into each other’s arms. But for that, we should turn back to where it all began. A crowded apartment and a bustling October night.

Over the years, many things have been told about apartment 514. Some neighbors swear that an old lady died there and her face was eaten off by a cat — the very reason Minhyuk made everyone swear not to bring in any stray kitten lost around the neighborhood, knowing Hoseok and Changkyun’s giant animal-loving hearts. Another rumor has it that a previous owner built a whole sex deviant dungeon inside the apartment — they’re all still looking for it. The only actual fact about their shared home is that apartment 514 is located on the fifth floor of this shady building, second door to the left after you finish climbing up all the stairs because the elevator is (still) out of order.

Kihyun knew the way like the back of his hand, battered from all the hours spent (unappreciated) in the kitchen of a small restaurant, or better yet he knew it better than the place of each knife in his own kitchenette, a sacred place where none of his flatmates are allowed in. Except for Changkyun, as long as he can prove himself helpful, but the other two are strictly prohibited after that one time Hoseok tried to see how much instant noodles he could make without starting a fire. Or something like that. Kihyun’s favorite rug died in that hazardous incident, the only rug they had lying around on the mahogany wood boards for that matter.

So of course, his first reaction upon entering the apartment and seeing two heads almost glued to the microwave and the rhythmic beat of pop-pop-pop, he thanks whatever demons lurked out there that he got home just in time to prevent another disaster.

“I told them to wait for you but nobody ever listens,” Changkyun tells him as he grabs the plastic bags with their charity food as the maknae called it. Well, in a way Kihyun was indeed doing charity by bringing his roommates whatever leftovers they had from the restaurant at the end of the day since otherwise it would all be thrown out anyway. And he hates wasting food as much as any other cheap person. Feeling relieved from the weight he carried eight blocks and five stocks of stairs — see? Changkyun was the most useful one out of his flatmates, he heads into what could only be called a march of power towards his precious kitchen where he clunks the elders’ heads together, making them groan in unison.

“What are you two idiots doing in _my_ kitchen?” the devil chef groans and crosses his arms, looking very much the image of an angry suburban mother scolding his kids. Which is ridiculous because for once, he is a man and second, their neighborhood is far from some friendly suburbia. Not to mention that he would go absolutely nuts with two children like Hoseok and Minhyuk, how the hell are they all born in the same year? Changkyun, a whole three years younger than both, was far more mature. This is something he thinks about a lot when considering kicking out the dumb and dumber duo.

“It’s also our kitchen, we pay half the rent!” Minhyuk fights back rubbing at his aching forehead. Right, rent. The only reason Kihyun doesn’t go through with his evacuation plan — or at least that’s what he tells himself to sleep at night, no way he’d ever admit he cares about one of these boys even in the most platonic of ways. “Besides, it’s just some popcorn, geez. Who ruins popcorn?” Minhyuk huffs insulted when Kihyun just raises an eyebrow, resting bitch face in place and even harsher as a natural reaction to the other’s loud voice. “We’re having our movie night!”

Ah, right. Their _we’re boring-single-gay-men_ Tuesday night tradition where they each take turns on picking a film or tv show and everyone else is obliged to sit down through it all. How they still kept up with it, it’s a mystery considering Hoseok always picks animations or foreign movies, Minhyuk is on a permanent quest to find the scariest horror out there, Changkyun goes for indie underground pieces with psychological themes, and he himself picks whatever is fresh and popular at the moment.

“It’s my turn,” Hoseok grins happily, a clear sign they’ll be dealing with some sappy love story probably. Kihyun only hopes it’s not a heterosexual one so he could at least try to enjoy the clicheic plot. Just a moment later, a collective sigh of relief passes through the small kitchenette when the oven dings and the popcorn stops its bombarding noise. “All set,” Changkyun announces from the hallway, takeout box in one hand and some noodles already hanging from his mouth.

It would be endearing, Kihyun thinks, if not for the younger being dressed like some homeless teenage wreck in his basket shorts and overly large hoodie. He doesn’t fret about it though, mainly because he recognizes the clothes as Saturday’s laundry they did together and he’s too tired to fight with any of them tonight. Moreover, Changkyun somehow still looks good even in that attire and — why is Minhyuk giving him that nasty smirk? Whatever, Kihyun won’t put up with any of it right now, he _really_ is too tired for it all so he slips away to change into much more comfortable clothing as well.

When he returns in the living room, the brunet occupies the only seat left on their small couch, squished between Hoseok and Changkyun while Minhyuk hogged the bean bag all for himself, the cuddling octopus that he is. The eldest of all barely waits for Kihyun to sit down before pressing play on his laptop and the intro of the first episode starts in a soft tone, Hoseok’s grin getting wider by second until the opening finally takes over, loud electric guitars vibrating in their small living room. That was unexpected, Changkyun blinks with curiosity in his eyes but is quick to slouch back into the couch when the same soft tone from before replaces the energetic vibe.

A couple of popcorn bowls and cold noodles dishes later, three of them find themselves caught up in the story of this anime: two girls with the same name and the same age meeting in the same train to Tokyo, brought together by fate. A mix of cutesy and punk rock that strangely enough summarized Hoseok’s taste so well, the edginess hiding his softie heart. “Why are we watching this?” Changkyun finally speaks up, yawning from next to Kihyun. He’s been resting his head on his hyung’s shoulder since the second episode and by now, at their fourth, he’s almost half asleep. He doesn’t do well with romanticism.

“Because it’s Japanese, it has a love story and it’s about music!” the eldest pouts and crosses his arms, quickly adopting a defensive stance. His flatmates never seemed to understand his fondness towards sentimental stories, his innate urge to search for things that move him deeply on the inside and that change his world all around. He knows they’re not judging him for being more open, more vulnerable and more easily hurt by what life throws his way, but none of them is especially empathic to his cause. Still, he remembers those long night-early morning talks he used to have with both Kihyun and Minhyuk back at the start of their friendship, discussions about the meaning of life, what their purpose in this world might actually be or if there is such a thing as destiny.

College was, for lack of a better word, an utter state of inebriety and disorientation on his part. A child thrown into the wild jungle, that’s how he felt like for the first months, suddenly hit by responsibilities and obligations but also so, so much freedom he couldn’t quite grasp completely. He just followed his heart as always and went to study design, encouraged by his mother’s supportive nature to let him chase his dreams of being an artist. He met Minhyuk in one of his classes and the cheerful boy immediately got attached to him, bonding over their common interests and more often than not acting dumb together. Kihyun came just a bit later, a photographer with as many witty comebacks and cringey moments as the profound care he holds for his friends.

They all had to give up on their initial paths under the pressure of adulthood. Getting a job with a degree in fine arts isn’t the most viable option in the end. In fact, it turns out to be just as difficult as finding a place to stay in Seoul when your family can’t provide for you with basically anything. The three of them went through some harsh moments together, especially when Minhyuk dropped out of his major and would have been forced to return to his hometown to help his parents’ with their store if Kihyun didn’t come up with the plan to move out of the dorms — expensive as they were anyway, and rent a place together even on the outskirts of the city.

Said and done and just a few months later when they realized their setup wasn’t lucrative in the least, they found Changkyun, a young freshman struggling to adapt to Korea after he spent most of his life abroad in the states. It’s been years since they’ve fallen into a routine, as comfortable as it can get when working two jobs or trying to further your studies. “Yeah, yeah, just point out which guy you wanna screw,” Minhyuk shrugs at Hoseok’s pout, a teasing grin on his lips that makes their maknae chuckle. Hoseok looks appalled at the implication that he picked something to watch just because he finds some cartoons attractive —  yes, he likes Nobu and even if Takumi isn’t on the screen yet he knows he will hate him no matter how charming he acts, but anyway, that is not the point!

“This is like that time you made us watch _Paradise kiss_ to ‘understand’ fashion,” Kihyun backs up with air quotes the guy who might as well be his twin at this point. Unlike Minhyuk though, he earns himself a harsh jab in the ribs that could have as well broken one considering how strong Hoseok is. The one whom everyone appears set on picking on tonight narrows his eyes at the others before hissing out through gritted teeth, “You don’t get it.” He doesn’t bother to explain himself further, just unplugs his laptop from their tv and goes to his room, slamming the door behind him a bit too loudly. Changkyun counts to five before they hear their old neighbor from the fourth-floor shout at them for being noisy kids.

Hoseok could care less about Mr. Choi and his cat though, he’d rather continue to be pissed at his friends. He misses the times Minhyuk would rant about how he knows exactly how his future boyfriend will look like — well built, a bit tan, tall and very handsome — and how one day they’ll escape from here and go get married somewhere like Las Vegas. He misses Kihyun’s silly attempts to hit on guys from his cinematography class with secret admirer notes because he’s sure he’d find a special someone for himself that way. Changkyun’s stand on this differs greatly, of course. Hoseok only brought up this subject once and decided to never talk about it again with the younger after he’d been fastly shut down with a very nihilistic perspective.

His friends’ perspective have changed and although they’re still in their mid-twenties, they all act like they’ve passed through a midlife crisis already. Their lives have miserably taken a turn, settling into some dreadful treadmills where they work mindlessly to earn just enough money to pass through the month without starving on ending up on the streets. Alright, he might be exaggerating a bit for the sake of pointing out how unlike their age they’re acting. They should be out and having fun, making mistakes they’ll tell later at reunions, searching for what really makes them feel young, free and alive. Instead they’re working odd hours and hanging out just with each other and a few other people when they can synchronize their schedules.

Yet what bothers Hoseok the most is that all of them stopped believing they have something greater ahead of them, set out by fate. That they will one day meet someone who will make them feel like all the struggles they faced so far were worth it if only for this spark of pure, unadulterated happiness. That their soulmates are out there, waiting just around the corner to bump into each other. How could he not when he feels so incomplete by himself, when he craves someone’s arms to hold him at night and unconditional support and love during waking hours.

 _Only you can be responsible for your own happiness and being together with someone won’t change anything_ , Changkyun told him in a cool voice the one and only time he brought up the subject. But the maknae just didn’t get it, Hoseok wasn’t asking for the moon on the night sky and all the stars combined, he just wanted that soul-crushing connection with another, somebody to love with his whole heart for the rest of the days and be loved back just as strongly. Sometimes even he starts to doubt that kind of person actually exists. A sharp knock on the door interrupts his decadent path of thoughts. “Do you still wanna dye your hair tonight?” Minhyuk asks peaking his pink head in, the color soft yet vibrant as he probably colored it earlier in the day.

Hoseok glances at the clock on his desk, noting that the other should head out soon for his shift at _Tropical Night_ club he’s been working for the past months. “Yeah, sure,” he says with a sigh. They’re all going to Jeonghan’s Halloween party tomorrow night and he asked Minhyuk a while ago to help him change his look. Something unique and innovative. “Like that time you dyed your hair blue to look like George because you love Parakiss so much?” Minhyuk teased him at first but quickly agreed anyway. He won’t ever miss a chance to play with his friends’ hair and adding to his portfolio as a future hairstylist — Kihyun’s bubblegum being his personal masterpiece.

 

***

 

This was definitely the last time Hoseok lets Minhyuk touch his hair. No, this is the last time Hoseok lets Minhyuk anywhere near his head, what gave him the brilliant idea to trust the younger with dye? Needless to say, he is not pleased with the blonde-orange burning mess on top of his head and decided since it dried out to change it back to black as soon as possible. Not soon enough sadly, since he still had to go to the music store for his shift looking like he dipped his head into a sack of citrics the previous night. He doesn’t even like citrics in the first place. Hiding his pout in the big fluffy scarf wrapped around his neck, he finally leaves the store after eight agonizing hours of boredom. So little people bought physical albums lately it’s saddening, even more so for Hoseok, a vehement supporter of vinyls and world-class musicians dead long before he was born.

He takes a deep breath of the late October air and heads on his long way home. Hopefully, he’d get there just in time to fix a last minute costume for the party. He knows Minhyuk is going to take a glitter bath and turn himself into a fairy, Kihyun will try his hand with some pirate gear and Changkyun said he’d be a basic Dracula — as much as Minhyuk begged him to be Dragula instead. But he himself has no idea what he should do. He’s got nothing special prepared and from what he remembers there is no special effects makeup lying around in their bathroom. Jeonghan promised them there will be a consistent prize for the best dressed at the party (the main reason Minhyuk bought a pound of glitter earlier in the week) and he’d like it a lot if he could cover a month or two of rent without eating only ramen, as much delight as noodles bring him.

This is not his month, Hoseok sighs realizing that nothing turned out the way he wished for it to be. First, he had to pay from his own salary some broken merch somebody knocked over and left on the floor with no intention of covering for. Then he had a fight with his mother, something that never ever happens no matter how tough things get. And since their fight he couldn’t manage to rest well even for one night, resulting in him getting snappy towards customers at work and more importantly, his friends. Perhaps if he ordered a big pizza tomorrow, he’ll be forgiven — Minhyuk definitely would be down for that, at least.

“Watch out!” he hears a reedy voice before a strangling force pulls on his red scarf and makes him tumble backwards on the pedestrian road. Hoseok would have fallen flat on his butt were it not for some lanky arms holding him upright — though his weight pressed against this stranger almost brings them both down on the harsh concrete. The shook man opens his mouth to say something, _anything_ , ask what the hell was going on but a loud honk, deafening really, grabs his attention as a foreign car misses them. Barely. “Are you alright?” the stranger asks, his fingers still grasping at the red wool around Hoseok’s neck.

No, Hoseok is far from alright otherwise he can’t explain what is with this angelic vision before his eyes. A tall man, about his age probably, with soft pink locks framing down his _perfectly_ carved face, the cutest mole ever adorning his flawless skin right below his right eyebrow. His face is mostly covered by a mask but Hoseok just knows it must look as aesthetically pleasing like the model proportions of his body. There’s a tint of brown eyeliner smudged in the corner of his lids but the older almost misses it, getting lost in that serene blue ocean the moment they lock eyes. “I-I’m...thank you,” he manages to stutter eventually, gaze still fixated on, apparently, his guardian angel who saved him from flying across the street on the windshield of that speeding vehicle.

The stranger’s eyes close in the most adorable crescents ever, a soft smile probably on his lips as he smoothens Hoseok’s scarf and finally puts the adequate distance between them. A moment later, the hot mess called Hoseok gets to see those beautiful blue orbs staring longingly at the red muffler, like it’s a dear thing to him that he hasn’t seen in a lifetime. “Have a nice day,” the pink haired bids with a small nod before heading his way and leaving the other man gapping in his tracks. There is no way around it, this must be it. The moment Hoseok waited for all his life, right there in plain sight in a situation he couldn’t have predicted even if he asked somebody to read his tarot cards. That man must be his soulmate.

His feet refuse to move and follow the mysterious guy, glued to the ground for a long while already — too long for Hoseok to have any chance of finding the pink haired angel. However, he still gives it a try when he gains control over his limbs once more. He runs around frantically, looking for the taller man in the crowd. His looks were too extraordinary to miss out. Sadly, it is clear even to Hoseok that he can’t possibly find his savior in the afternoon traffic. Besides, if he doesn’t hurry home he’ll be late for the party for sure. That doesn’t mean his mind is able to focus on anything else but today’s revelation.

“I found him!” he shouts to whoever is home once he cracks the door open. A quick reminder to tell the landlord again they need a new one, this old wooden thing barely budges in place, yet it’s so fragile that if he slams himself against it one more time, it might just fall down like a freshly cut tree. And that would be a real problem considering the number of break-ins happening around and that winter is coming. Well, technically not for another year or so but he’s not that invested in the thrones.

“Found who?” Changkyun asks in the process of heating up some leftovers from last night. Hoseok would laugh at the other’s improvised man bun, surprised Changkyun’s hair even got so long in the first place, but he has more important topics to discuss. Namely, having found the love of his life, his one and only soulmate, descended from heavens above. A wide smile blooms on the blond’s face as he rushes to the bathroom, his task-oriented brain pushing him into getting down to business and mixing the black dye which should fix the mess his hair became. “My soulmate!” he responds full of spirit as though this one sole run-in meant the world to him and brought a new light into his life.

There come some choking noises from the kitchen as Changkyun’s food goes the wrong way, but Hoseok is too vexed to worry at the moment, head full of pink hair, blue eyes, soft skin. “Oh god, he’s a manga prince,” he realizes at last, mouth hanging open as it drowns upon him he’s somehow entered _W_ world, or rather his prince came straight out of there. And he’s even more handsome than Lee Jongsuk, what a catch! He almost erupts in a fit of excited giggles at the thought but they die immediately in his throat. Right, he’s met the love of his life but this raises a few issues. Particularly, how will they meet again? And once they do, how can he make sure he captures this stranger’s heart like the angel enchained his own?

In the end, the most pressing question at the moment is what he is gonna wear tonight — perhaps also if all this bleaching and dying will make him go untimely bald. He proceeds to tell Changkyun all about his mysterious soulmate while the younger helps get his back in between discouraging mumbles. Maybe it’s because the younger came into his life much later than the other two idiots they shared a roof with or just the strong contrast of their personality — he a dreamer, the maknae a very down to earth and even pessimistic person. But after all this time, Hoseok still feels awkward being alone with Changkyun. At first, when they’ve only met, he thought for a while that the sandy blond has a crush on him which prevents them from actually bonding.

Of course, he knows that thought is utterly ridiculous, but it could have been a possibility after all. This is not to say they aren’t friends at all, Hoseok is aware he can confide in Changkyun as much as he can in Minhyuk or Kihyun, that all of them got his back like he got theirs. He’s thankful for that, certainly, yet he can’t deny every time the slightly shorter male rains on his parade, he feels more than a bit demoralized. It’s true in the past he’s got burned real bad for false alarms of supposed soulmates and potential forevers, and it’s true he does have a tendency to get attached quicker than what could be considered healthy.

Still, it’s no excuse for Changkyun to say, “Hyung, that was just a random guy. The chances are you’ll never, _ever_ see him again in your lifetime. Seoul has about 10 million inhabitants, there are over 7 billion people on earth. Even if soulmates do exist, the chances of meeting them — especially like you claim to have, are close to null.”

Hoseok scoffs and tucks his head beneath the faucet to wash the blackness off his locks, their conversation making the required time for the dye to seep in pass swiftly. With his eyes closed and massaging at his burning scalp with expertise, he completely misses the way Changkyun’s look softens to one that resembles a kicked puppy. However, the other regains his composure a moment later and passes his hyung a fresh towel to wipe himself. “I can’t wait for you to finally fall in love and come to me and say I was right all along,” Hoseok teases, his hand patting Changkyun’s shoulder on the way out of the bathroom, oblivious to the grunt he leaves behind.

“Already did and like hell I’ll tell you…” comes a whisper but nobody’s around to hear it.

 

***

Taking a look at his group, Kihyun has to hold back from pinching the bridge of his nose annoyed. Really, how the hell have they managed to go a thirty-minute ride with the subway dressed like this — even if it’s Halloween and everyone on a kilometer square seems to be embracing their inner hoes, nobody was as bad as these guys next to him.

Besides his pink hair and being covered head to toe in glitter, some sparkly arches dragged with eyeliner onto his temples, Minhyuk decided his best outfit for the night is some really tight red leather pants borrowed from Hoseok and a white glittery jacket, again borrowed from their eldest, a true gay icon. Of course, the package didn’t come with a shirt underneath because, “I spent hours putting on all this glitter on me, I want everyone to see it.”

Like Mr. Discoball wasn’t bad enough on his own, Hoseok decided to open his kinks drawer and stuck to some very questionable attire, mainly harnesses for both his thighs clinging to some pants that might as well have been poured on his legs. A simple black jacket covers his equally naked chest adorned with body chains and a leash tangling around a collar on his neck. These two are taken straight out of some gay porn and Kihyun swears to whoever is listening out there, he’s gonna use his cleaver to chop their heads off.

While his hyungs were very much the image of tryhards, Changkyun barely showed any interest in finding something deemable as a costume. He’s actually just wearing his regular clothes, black Tee tucked in some ripped jeans and an open shirt on top of it, the only extra thing in his whole look glinting when he talked, fake fangs poking out. Truthfully, he can’t say he’s done a much better job with some plain uniform, a green striped scarf with a snake on it and literally a bathroom robe, after seeing that the pirate costume he bought at some cheap store downtown looked like a sack of potatoes on him.

From beside him, Changkyun sighs heavily when their friends ditch them in favor of Mingyu’s invitation to do some shots. “Are you alright?” he asks, grabbing the younger’s sleeve and pulling him closer so they can hear each other on top of the loud music. The blond nods slowly, not convincing anyone, not even himself but Kihyun notices with ease that their maknae has been distracted and airheaded ever since he returned from the crafts store. “You’re acting weird...Well, weirder than usual,” the older mumbles. Biting on his lower lip to avoid the exasperating habit of heaving his breath sort of hopelessly, Changkyun shrugs and decides to distract himself for the night.

He might have exaggerated a bit with distractions though because being piggybacked by Kihyun hasn’t been on his bucket list so far but his drunk ass couldn’t quite walk on his wobbly legs and his other hyungs were nowhere to be found at the party. It’s not completely his fault. Jeonghan has, after all, offered them an open bar with lots of snacks and the music had been quite alright. Perhaps that has been the main problem, all the booze available, his mind searching for some escape way from thoughts he really shouldn’t be having and…And Hoseok telling everyone about his manga prince. The beautiful angelic creature who saved him from certain death! It simply isn’t fair, you know?  
  
Changkyun has been living, breathing the same air and washing his underwear with this very man for three years now. Three whole years and all he ever got was a pat on the shoulder, maybe a back hug every now and then when his hyung felt especially affectionate — skinship never appeared to be a problem with literally anyone else though. He’s been a pretty neat dongsaeng, if he says so himself, helping Hoseok out with his design projects, dropping by at the record store to bring him lunch, doing some of the house chores for him. So why was it so easy for a random asshole to completely steal his heart when he couldn’t even steal a bit of Hoseok’s attention?

Luckily for his own shame, none of these thoughts get uttered out loud and Kihyun doesn’t say anything either when they get off the train nearby their weather-beaten apartment building. The five floors of stairs feel terribly long tonight, even more so since he’s pretty much sobered up earlier and now only uses the older for some leverage. “Sorry I ruined your night, hyung,” he mumbles when they finally reach door 514 and Kihyun fiddles with the keys. The lights are out — again — and Changkyun uses his phone as a flashlight for the older man, eyes staring into empty space at small hands gripping big keys. “It’s alright, I wasn’t enjoying myself either,” Kihyun lies smoothly, pushing the door open and flicking the switch on. Great, no electricity overall.

They already know the drill by now, too many blackouts catching them off-guard not to make a stable plan that correlated perfectly with Minhyuk’s love for scented candles. “Let’s try some cucumber, see if he likes it before we tell him what it is,” Changkyun suggests slyly, making his way blindly towards Kihyun and Minhyuk’s shared bedroom to pull out a box from a top shelf. Kihyun would tease him for having to raise on his tiptoes to reach it but again, so does he. “Do you wanna stay here tonight? It’d be easier with the lights and if you’re feeling sick I’ll look after you,” the brunet says offhandedly, like he didn’t think the words over and over again, turned them on all sides before letting them out of his mouth. It must be a low move to use such pretext to cuddle your friend on whom you might be crushing. But at this point, who even cares?

Changkyun accepts without any fight, moreover he strips off his jeans and throws his shirt onto the floor before sliding into Kihyun’s bed — no way he’d lie in Minhyuk’s, last time he took a nap there, he accidentally found and touched his hyung’s dildo and that’s not something he wants to experience again. Ever. Kihyun huffs miffed and starts gathering the clothes thrown recklessly, folding them up before dropping them in the laundry basket alongside his own. A few years back, Kihyun would have raised an eyebrow at sharing his bed with another man in a way that’s not sexual in the least, but living together with three clingy guys, even Changkyun as much as he denies it, can change one’s view on cuddling.   

They lie parallel to each other, shoulders barely brushing, the light of a few cucumber candles lit on the nightstand illuminating their faces in the dark. Changkyun counts his breaths, listens to the clock ticking on the hallway and lets the scent of freshly washed sheets sooth his aching ahead. Things around Kihyun are like that, clean and uncomplicated, soothing. Objectively, he’s the closest to him out of all his hyungs and the one who warmed up to him, ironically, last. It was weird in the beginning, he remembers, deciding to cohabit with three other people who had been friends for years could have been the worst resolution he’s taken in his twenties. At times, he felt like an intruder in their own small world, no matter how touchy Minhyuk got or how much Hoseok laughed at his jokes.

But he only felt accepted in this household once Kihyun, tired after pulling a late night shift and shooting for an event, fell asleep with his head in his lap. Minhyuk teased them for ages, even took a photo and Changkyun didn’t quite comprehend what the big deal until he observed his hyung closer. Kihyun always had his guard up, even around his friends sometimes but not around him. Never around him. He never dared to think anything of it but here they were now, in the same bed, half-naked in a way and he was still intoxicated, despite being fully conscious. The blond rolls on his side and Kihyun turns to him, darkness covering his flushed face as he reaches out his head behind the other’s head, pulling lightly at the rubber band keeping all the hairs together.

“Don’t wear this again, makes you look like a fuckboy,” he mumbles under his breath, fingers itching to grip the locks together after just untying them. Changkyun does something very stupid then but also so, _so_ right. Leaning on his left elbow and placing his other hand on Kihyun’s head, beside his hyung’s head, he successfully cages the wanna be Slytherin of the night and inches his face closer to his. “Do you like it though?” Maybe it was one of apartment 514’s many ghosts possessing his body at the moment to lean in even closer until their lips are just about pressed against each other. The ball is in Kihyun’s court now, scrutinized by precise wolf eyes, hungry with something he’s never noticed in them before and pushing him to take the last step.

“Yes,” he answers in a short, gasped intake of air, his hand gripping on blond hairs and pulling at them until Changkyun has no choice but to fall on top of him, mouths crushing together. They fumble around in the dark, the flame of the candle flickering rays of brief sobriety over their faces while Changkyun settles more comfortably between Kihyun’s legs, spread to accommodate his dongsaeng. Neither have any idea what they’re doing but it isn’t a time to argue what’s right and what’s wrong. This is a time to rejoice in one another and explore what they haven’t dared to before. They are embarking in unknown territory, a border they haven’t crossed before in their friendship besides maybe once upon a dream.

Darkness makes things easier, gives them the courage to reach and touch skin hidden by daylight and clothes, it pushes them to press harder with more need, to rush and feel the cold sheets against their naked heated skin. There is no hesitance in Kihyun’s movements as he grabs Changkyun’s hardening length in his hand, no hesitancy in how the blond sucks a mark right behind his hyung’s ear. On a day people dress like the dead, all they want is to feel alive. Kihyun briefly wonders if this is wise, if Changkyun truly sobered up and isn’t woozy anymore, if he truly wants this as bad as him — if he truly wants him or Kihyun is just a replacement, a faceless body to warm him up. “Hyung,” the blond moans lowly before covering Kihyun’s mouth with his own again.

His hand reaches below, fingers hooking at the elastic of the other’s underwear and pulling it down to his knees before Kihyun raises them to his chest, helping Changkyun get rid of them completely. He remains so, back curved and mouth gaping for air when protruding digits poke at his entrance, sliding in smoothly one at a time. The angle is not quite good and as nice as Changkyun’s fingers feel inside of him, they’re not as thick as Kihyun’d like. Moving his hips to urge the other to get on with it already, his hands reach behind, slightly groping at the younger’s butt and pulling him closer. Changkyun’s a smart guy, he figures out fast what Kihyun is aiming for and what he wants, but not exactly what he needs. He can’t guess the deep desire burning the brunet’s heart. To be cherished and loved as much as he too does in return. In the end, he’s no less hopeless than Hoseok.

Kihyun is thankful for the blackout haunting their building that night. He is thankful for the obscurity hiding his tears when Changkyun thrusts into him without a care, when the touches all over his body turn to be mean and selfish while he himself clings onto the thin thread of hope left. The drops of salty water trickle down his cheeks no matter how tight he squeezes his eyes or how hard he pulls on Changkyun’s hair. And as he lies there in his own bed, cold and warm at the same time, shaking from an orgasm that felt more restraining than liberating, he becomes aware he’s not the one Changkyun would have liked to sleep with tonight. He’s opened himself up, showing vulnerability and letting the other see his soul but Changkyun didn’t look him in the eye even for a second.

 

And it hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stream Shoot out


	2. Cat on a hot tin roof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like a cat on a hot tin roof, he doesn’t jump off the burning house, only lingers until it's about to collapse down to the ground. It would be selfish of him to look for happiness outside his little world.

Every story has two sides, just like every town is split into two unequal halves and rarely do these ever meet each other in the middle, being separated by a not so invisible line resembling a merciless river digging through a canyon. Fate, however, does not care about any of this and ties its red thread amiss, reuniting old shards of the same soul. Such a shame there’s a blindfold when she undertakes her mission and confuses shards for scraps, misreads the songs of one’s heart for another and leaves poor souls damned.

  
Hyungwon has long since given up fighting to build his own destiny. No matter how many times he rebelled and tried to take it into his own hands, to decide for once how he is going to live his own life, his father put him down the same amount and one more on top so he’d learn who the head in this family truly is. So he settled comfortably to listen to whatever the senior Chae told him, follow all his instructions and try to fulfill all the requests worded not so kindly, if only for that sole breath of freedom he’s allowed to have once a blue moon. 

Lately, freedom has been relative. Surely, he has fewer restrictions compared to when he was younger, a scared child looking for some warmth that ceased to exist in his father’s heart once his wife, Hyungwon’s mother, died. Things have changed, but only slightly. His father doesn’t mind whether he’s attracted to men instead of women anymore, as long as it can benefit the company in some sense. This, naturally, lead to Hyungwon dating a long string of sponsors who invested fortunes in SCL Enterprise, some of them with a very questionable age gap compared to his frail twenty-five years. As long as he keeps their family image intact and the company keeps gaining profit from either his personal or work life as an upcoming employee. Most days, he walks the streets like a cat on a hot tin roof. Pretending everything is fine has taken a toll on him and brought out and surprising need to change.

Like dying his hair pink. It is drastic and even a bit dramatic to go from natural dark brown to this, but thankfully Hyungwon’s virgin hair has survived the bleach like a champion and soaked in the pink hue beautifully, making him look like an angel. Or at least, that’s what Minho said earlier on their date. It feels refreshing to finally crack out of that washed out shell he’s been hiding in for years, the timid boy who listens to his father’s wishes, who gets his degree in Business with an early graduation and joins the company his parent co-founded. Back in high school, when he was still trying to rebel and create his own path, he’d defy the elder by wearing a rugged red scarf that once belonged to his late mother. The red fabric and subtle scent of perfume that stuck through the years never failed to bring him some comfort in those anxious days. The only source of comfort he can remember in that old house.

Until, of course, one day it was gone and weeks long of searching proved to be useless. Deep down he knows it’s his father who threw it away, always ashamed his son was wearing women accessories that make him look effeminate or queer. Ashamed of Hyungwon embracing something with such a poor and tasteless aesthetic. He misses that scarf dearly though and never dared to replace it with a similar color. Red will forever have a special place in his heart. Red will forever be his mother. So when he runs in the streets into a guy wearing the  _ exact same red scarf _ that once belonged to his mother, his blood runs cold. Now, it would be idiotic of him to assume it is indeed the scarf he used to wear in his school days no matter how badly it clashed with his uniform or outfits, but the way it fluffed up around the other man’s throat brings chills up his spine.

He reacts autonomously.

“Watch out!” The simple idea of a car going at high speed and not breaking at the pedestrian-heavy crossing barely has time to form inside his mind while his hand already grasps the red scarf of that complete stranger and pulls him back to safety. The rashness, as well as the sudden force he must have received from some adrenaline kick nearly, makes them both crash down on the concrete. Yet, Hyungwon manages to somehow hold himself upright - and the stranger too, right there in his arms. His fingers squeeze the soft fabric, just as soft as the one he remembers, but there’s no tender smell left or maybe it’s so subtle he can’t sense it even in this uncalled for proximity. “Are you alright?” he asks on top of the deafening honks from the exasperating traffic. 

His eyes travel up with great effort, like a bull who tries to see the matador from behind the muleta, and they widen ever so slightly. The city lights don’t do this guy justice, Hyungwon thinks and seeks not to check him out. At least not so obviously. The other’s hair looks really messy, or at least the dye does and Hyungwon sighs relieved his own hairdresser didn’t fuck up his job earlier today. Just imagining the pink turning into some orange or red shade might trigger a panic attack. But despite the whole situation upstairs, everything else seemed to be... _ perfect _ . The man is absolutely gorgeous with a beautiful face, warm eyes that give him this deer-in-headlights look, cute ears, pouty lips, and a well-worked body. Hyungwon regrets for a moment not being single. 

“I-I’m...thank you,” comes a shy voice and Hyungwon’s heart does a flip. He’s sure it can’t be legal for somebody to be this cute, but it makes him smile sincerely. They’re both safe and nobody got run over by a car. And he got to touch that soft scarf as well without being a total creep about it, the red cloth, strangely enough, bringing him the same sense of comfort he thought lost. But it would be too far fetched, it would be completely insane to think this guy he literally bumped into owns his mother’s old scarf. It’s time to return to the real world though, the one where he’s got work on Monday and another date with Minho tomorrow night. So with somewhat regret he steps back from the stranger whose name he doesn’t even dare to ask and bids him, “Have a nice day.”

He walks a few blocks mindlessly until he finally spots a cab and gets into it, giving the driver his address. When he pulls his phone out of his blazer’s pocket, he notices a message from Jooheon, asking him to hurry home so they could get ready in time for the party. Ah, right, that Halloween party. He still doesn’t know how Jooheon got the three of them invitations to such an event nobody is used to. Company gatherings where they’re stuffed in tuxedos and have to clink champagne glasses pretending to find everyone agreeable? Of course, they’ve been to those all their lives considering their fathers are partners in business. Common parties with people their own age, some still in college, some trying to make it as ulzzangs, but overall people with ordinary jobs and ordinary lives? Not so much. 

Hyungwon envies them.

How malicious of him to envy somebody who arguably has less than him but here he stands, scrolling on his brand new phone for some exquisite takeout, arriving at his shared penthouse and paying the driver with a bill probably higher than the ride roundway. Jooheon welcomes him as soon as the elevator doors open, some sort of cannibal leather mask hanging around his neck. Ah, they’re supposed to go in costumes too. “Hyung, I told you to just bring your boyfriend to the party instead of going on a date before,” the ginger whines cutely, hair recently brightened up to a neon shade. It reminds Hyungwon of the stranger he ‘saved’  earlier. He sighs under his breath and slips out of his sneakers and then collapses on their living room sofa. “I don’t think I’m going anymore, Honey,” before the younger could express further complain, he adds, “Besides, Hyunwoo-hyung isn’t home yet. Scold him for being late.” 

“You can’t  _ not _ go, hyung! You have no excuse. You had the day free and tomorrow you got no plans, we haven’t spent time together outside the company since forever and I can’t even remember the last  _ real _ party we’ve been too.” Of course, Jooheon has a point, a very valid one but Hyungwon’s already made up his mind. And like Hyunwoo when he changes into his sweatpants and takes out his contact lenses, there’s no reason in trying to make him change his decision. He misses spending time with his brothers dearly, but he needs a break for himself just as much. And some nights, one just needs to crawl early in bed and forget life exists. Jooheon knows this, naturally, they’ve known each other for literally their entire lives and by now Jooheon and Hyunwoo understand Hyungwon better than he understands himself. 

He understands them just as well - they might as well be considered real siblings. They grew up in the same neighborhood and were watched over by the same babysitter while their fathers were building up SLC Enterprise from the ground. They played football together and struggled to solve equations before they could watch cartoons and sneak out to have some ice cream from the shop down the corner. Hyunwoo took him to prom when Hyungwon came out and everyone was avoiding him like the black plague. Hyungwon took Jooheon drinking when his first girlfriend broke his heart. They’ve both taken care of Hyunwoo that one summer he broke his leg and couldn’t do much. At this point, Hyungwon can’t imagine his life without Jooheon and Hyunwoo always by his side. 

However, this doesn’t change the fact he’s not in the mood to interact with more people than necessary. Plus, he likes having the house all to himself. Maybe he’ll call Minho over actually and then he could have tomorrow all to himself, or makeup to his housemates for skipping tonight’s get out. But would it really be alright to call the other over so soon? They haven’t been going out for long, just a couple of weeks at most if he is to count the days. As always, when he struggles with decisions he turns to Hyunwoo, the voice of reason. “Who ordered takeout?” their hyung asks, coming in with three bags full of shrimp, chicken, noodles, bulgogi, and mixed rice. Hyungwon has the habit to order five times as much as he actually eats but his friends are all too glad to eat the rest, diets be damned. 

“You ordered takeout too?!” Jooheon grunts accusatory and plops himself on the armchair across Hyungwon like a child while Hyunwoo makes his way into the apartment and leaves the food on their kitchen counter. Hyungwon doesn’t have to open his eyes to know the other is exhausted, he’s been at work since before the doors even opened for the employees, drafting budgets and new acquisition plans, and writing reports for their activity in October. The holidays' fever is already in the air and that means twice as many tasks for all of them to carry out. As sons of the CEOs, they have a hardworking and honest image to uphold - SLC Enterprise is run on meritocracy, not nepotism. “I’m starving,” Hyunwoo sighs and loosenes his tie, searching for some plates and three pairs of chopsticks. 

“Hyung, the party!” Jooheon reminds and Hyungwon holds back from shaking his head. The residential maknae has truly remained a child. Which, in the end, is for the best. It never fails to spark some joy in the two older. Jooheon has the purest hearts of all and he’d like to protect it for as long as possible. “I promise I’ll get ready after we eat something, I couldn’t find time to take a lunch break,” Hyunwoo argues in his ‘dad’ tone as they’ve come to call it. Each day he resembles his own father more. Hyungwon often wishes he were a Son instead of a Chae. Or even a Lee, if he could have a little brother as cute as Jooheon. In the end, envy and wishes lead nowhere so, as always, he settles for what he has and doesn’t ask for more. Like a cat on a hot tin roof, he doesn’t jump off the burning house, only lingers until it's about to collapse down to the ground. It would be selfish of him to look for happiness outside his little world. 

 

***

 

“Do you think Hyungwon is alright?” Jooheon asks Hyunwoo worriedly after they wave goodbye to the third part of their trio and make their way to the underground garage. Ever the responsible hyung, Hyunwoo offered to drive them tonight so Jooheon could enjoy himself - in limited amounts, of course, no one would dare to upset Hyunwoo anyway by getting mad drunk. Often, Hyungwon and Jooheon agree that it feels like Hyunwoo is the one who raised them up in reality, the profound desire to never disappoint their hyung running thick. Hyunwoo shrugs easily at Jooheon’s question, voice soft as he answers, “If it’s something important he’ll tell us. You know he gets melancholic during this season.” 

And that is very much true. Winters for Hyungwon are sad, even if his birthday is approaching. They bring him down and the seasonal depression of the cold time keeps poking his already sensitive heart. But Mr. Chae never much bothered with his son’s health as long as he could attend mandatory events and function well in day to day life, so Hyungwon built up the mechanism not to approach others about his issues until they became too much to handle on his own. Hyunwoo can’t argue much there. He himself would never bother others with the hardships he faces every day, confident his broad shoulders can carry the whole weight endowed to him.

All their fathers have similar characters, though Mr. Chae has always been the worst - most suppose it has something to do with Hyungwon’s mother. He never remarried after all, whereas Jooheon’s parents both found another partner after their divorce was settled for good. Twice as many presents, Jooheon would say excitedly as a child but they knew that smile wasn't genuine at all. It made the young boy feel out of place, homeless and with no roots. Later, a decade later, he realized his roots aren’t to be found in any house or next to any blood relative. They’re his dear hyungs. Hyunwoo remembers the touching memory fondly, his two dongsaengs crying over a bottle of whiskey Jooheon took from his step-father’s stash, while he quietly promised himself he’d do anything to keep his brothers happy. 

That might be the reason why he’s now at this party where he knows virtually nobody instead of sleeping soundly in his large bed, much like Hyungwon’s chosen to do. But Jooheon’s enthusiasm is contagious and so is his social butterfly nature and not long after they arrive, Hyunwoo gets to know half of the guests. The party is not half-bad, there is some semi-famous dj mixing up their music and it’s good enough for him to boost some moves. He’s missed dancing greatly, he can’t even remember the last time he went clubbing. Perhaps his last year of college, definitely before he started working at the company but that feels like a whole other life already. If things were different, if he lead another life he could have tried to become a professional. He has no problems with being in the spotlight, all the conferences he spoke to in the name of the company for the past year have been enough proof. The idol life would have fit him well. 

Jooheon is great at it too, both dancing and public speaking, his charisma so magnetic everyone is immediately attracted to him without a second thought. But Hyunwoo knows that even though he’s always on top of everything he does and can master it all from business plans to PR subtleties, his dreams are not related to entrepreneurship. Whenever it came to work, Jooheon found it more entertaining looking into the legislative part, searching up laws and learning about all that could affect them. Hyunwoo is sure his parents wouldn’t have put up a fight for him to have become a lawyer or a judge, it would surely look good for the Lees in the end, but Jooheon chose to continue the legacy. Much like Hyunwoo did. 

“Oh, I think that cute guy is checking me out,” Jooheon suddenly says, a wide grin on his face and Hyunwoo eyes the bottle of beer in his hand, trying to figure out if it’s already the second or still the first they grabbed together. The brunet then looks up in the direction Jooheon was glancing at earlier with his full flirt-mode on. It’s not surprising to hear Jooheon excited about some ‘cute guy’ though it’s easy to forget about his dual preferences when he mostly takes out girls - models, trainees, even idols, all pretty much looking for a young sugar daddy to sponsor them. Hyungwon always reminds the youngest though not to let himself be seduced by a pretty face and ill-intentioned mind and, thankfully, Jooheon is able to tell if he’s being used quite quickly. 

The guy is indeed cute, Hyungwoo admits instantly. It’s hard to miss him with his pink hair frizzled up and all that glitter on his clothes. It looks good though, stylish and chic. If they were at some random party where no one knew who him, Hyunwoo would approach the cutie. A bit awkwardly, true, but he’d at least try to strike a conversation. The boy has such a pretty smile, it brings one onto his own face. And...on Jooheon’s as well. The only problem now is that Jooheon saw this guy first - even if the pink haired is actually eying Hyunwoo and not his dongsaeng, the smirk sent in his direction as soon as they locked eyes a giving sign of where his interests actually lie. “I think I’m gonna hit him up,” Jooheon says before leaving Hyunwoo’s side and strutting towards the other party-goer, shoulders broad and arms swinging at his side relaxed. 

Ah, he’s really going for this guy, Hyunwoo realizes with slight disappointment. He should have seen it coming the moment Jooheon dressed up with that jumpsuit and let the zipper hang a bit low, while the pants hugged his legs nicely. He’s out on a hunt and the leather mask hanging around his neck won’t stop him from biting into his prey. The confused look on the cutie’s face doesn’t go amiss to Hyunwoo but still. Jooheon saw him first. Perhaps if things don’t work out at all then he could...No, it is against his moral code. Never flirt with one of your dongsaeng’s love interests, whether it’s something serious or not. Perhaps he should grab another beer, non-alcoholic again as much as he hates the piss taste. It’s too late to switch for a cab instead since it’d be too irresponsible to leave his car at some stranger’s house, and everybody knows Son Hyunwoo is anything but irresponsible. Now all he’s got left to do is lean against the bar, strike a casual conversation with this Hoseok he met earlier and watch the other pair move to the dance floor. 

Hoseok, although pretty much clothed like a stripper from the gay bar down the corner, must be one of the most sincere and kind people Hyunwoo has ever met. It takes all but five minutes to figure it out and a few glasses of soda - Hoseok took pity on him and ditched alcohol when he saw Hyunwoo’s utter disinterest in his own drink. They decide to hang out next weekend to go to the gym together out of all things. They discuss interests, acquaintances they have in common at this gathering, and work without giving up too many details. They even get to dance together and Hyunwoo is excited to see how good of a dancer Hoseok turns out to be. The company is so enjoyable, Hyunwoo all but forgets about the pink haired pretty boy that fits his type so well. That, until he turns his head slightly at Hoseok suddenly whistling about his friend getting some tonight. His new friend forgot to omit he came to the party with a pretty boy by the name of Minhyuk. 

 

***

 

Minhyuk has waited to go to this party for literal ages. It wasn’t easy to get invitations for him and all (three) of his friends since the event was lowkey exclusivist, yet he pulled through with his mysterious ways. That answer got him a narrowed look from Kihyun but he swore to his tiny friend that he wasn’t desperate enough to retort to prostitution. Not yet at least. So as soon as he had the confirmation from Jeonghan that sure, he and his flatmates could attend this year's Halloween party, he started scheming. He needed the best outfit and he needed to win the costume contest, not only for money but also fame. Okay, perhaps fame is too much to demand and he’s aware he can’t become a local celebrity overnight from just one party and one fabulous look but he wants some attention, god damn! Some masculine attention would be ideal especially in private. Or in public, he’s not a prude. 

So, of course, he went that extra mile with his clothes and makeup, but as always he can count on Hoseok to be just as extra as him and make him feel less nervous about standing out. His hyung is an endless source of encouragement when it comes to self-love and confidence. Also, more often than not his hyung becomes a partner in crime whenever he has some crazy plan floating around in his head - like that once they tricked Changkyun to eat a whole onion painted as a caramelized apple. Or making mentos ice cubes and watching a whole soda glass explode in Kihyun’s face. Their other two friends obviously aren’t as refined in having fun as the two of them, ditching them not even an hour after they arrived. So typical of them, Minhyuk shakes his head. Changkyun most probably got drunk, all hopeless over Hoseok’s new ‘soulmate’ and Kihyun must have taken him home, all hopeless over Changkyun. Maybe that makes them the perfect match. But that’s a plan for another time. 

Well, he’s lost Hoseok in the crowd some time ago too, each going different ways with different people after having a few tequila shots with Mingyu. But this is not high school and he’s not some wallflower who needs to stick by his friends or otherwise he’ll be drowning at sea. No, he’s grown a backbone since then and learned to stand tall and proud. He’s danced with Mark and with Seungkwan and then with some more hotties whose names he didn’t quite hear over the loud music. People are approaching him from all sides, offering him drinks or a dance or more. He’s getting the kind of attention he wanted with his sparkly outfit and body glitter, the dim lights making him feel like some shining star who can do anything.

Darkness usually has this effect on him, bringing out something he usually hides well under a cheerful angelic smile. He enjoys it a lot but doesn’t stop his search for some perfect fun tonight, the sea he could have drowned in is full of fish in the end. And then he sees him. Some greek god with tanned skin, sharp jaw, muscular frame and charming gaze. Cupid’s arrow couldn’t have struck him harder or faster, the guy is absolutely stunning and Minhyuk is left breathless on the spot, ignoring some other people bumping into him as they rush towards the bar. He’s shook, who could have expected to run into the epitome of their ideal type like that? Yet that man is standing right there, only a few meters away from him. It’s got Minhyuk’s knees weak and throat dry, a weak smirk tugging at his lips when their eyes lock across the dance floor.

He’s so distracted at first by that beauty he doesn’t notice the orange haired by his side, a beauty himself but not what Minhyuk fantasized about before. He blinks a few times, confused when the supposed friend and not Eros himself starts walking towards him, and his eyes probably do that uneven thing where it looks like he’s winking and gets the other grinning wide. “Hi,” the guy says and wow, his voice is really pleasant. Minhyuk offers him a cute smile and bats his eyelashes once like he’s done with the other guys who came onto him that night. But he’s picky and he’s still glancing behind the dimpled man at his companion. “You’re so dazzling I got blind for a sec,” comes the expected pick up line, one Minhyuk surprisingly hasn’t heard before. It makes him giggle.

“Do you have a name too, Mr. temporarily blind?” He asks wiggling his eyebrows and the grin on the man’s face gets wider, accentuating his dimples even more. Cute. Minhyuk would like to dip into them and give them a big smooch. “Jooheon,” the orange haired finally introduces himself, thumb poking at his chest as he does so. “I’m Minhyuk,” the other responds, intrigued by the other’s charming presence. Something pushes him to grab Jooheon’s wrist and pull him closer, before proposing a playful,  “Let’s dance.” And god, was that a good decision. They go to a more cloistered corner, the disco ball hanging above bringing little sparkles of light on Minhyuk’s skin and making him shine tiny rainbows everywhere. It’s a beautiful sight and Jooheon almost trips over his own legs but quickly recovers with another alluring smirk. 

It’s the most fun Minhyuk had in months and it seems natural at a point to just wrap his arms around Jooheon’s neck and dance even closer, feel him pressed against himself and smell the subtle scent of...powder? How cute. Jooheon pretty much looks like a tiger cub, fierce when he snarks yet he’s still just a soft baby on the inside. He’s so different from the guys Minhyuk usually chases and the novelty gives him a certain high he can’t control. In Jooheon’s arms tonight he feels like he’s floating and nothing around them really matters. Not the friends who ditched him, not Hoseok who’s god knows where, not the costume contest or all the other men who hit on him before. So when he leans in to press his lips cutely on Jooheon’s cheek and the other turns his head slightly so their lips actually touch, his eyes widen up in surprise before he shuts them tight and just enjoys the feeling.  

The kiss is short and surprisingly innocent for two people dressed the way they were and it leaves both with a shy smile and a warm feeling blooming in their chests. The darkness hides their flushed cheeks but not their twinkling eyes. “Can I have your number? I’d like to see you sometime when you’re not full of glitter, Minhyuk,” Jooheon grins and scratches at his nape coyly, much like he would in high school when asking some pretty girl out, before accepting that finding another boy attractive is not simply being envious of his looks. Minhyuk chuckles, like a warm fire crackling in a cold winter night and a spark lands on Jooheon’s own heart. “Bold of you to assume I’m not always covered in glitter. But sure,” the pink haired nods and hands his phone out. 

They dance for a while longer, exchanging little pecks every now and then and make Minhyuk erupt into a fit of giggles and Jooheon grin so widely his dimples never go into hiding. Once, the younger doesn’t pull away immediately, instead, pressing harder and teasing the other by nibbling on his bottom lip and it takes all his strength and power will for Minhyuk not to melt in his arms. It’s ridiculous, his plan for the night was to get laid and here he was feeling like he’s on a prom date, all shy and nervous and giddy. And definitely already crushing on those soft hazel orbs. Hoseok finds him after some time and calls him over for one last drink before they head home. The costume contest already ended, being snatched by a pair impersonating Jack and Rose from Titanic - Minhyuk can’t blame anyone, that guy Jungwoo looked so cute crossdressed. However, what’s got a knot suddenly tying up his throat is the man closely following Hoseok. None other than Jooheon’s friend Minhyuk first admired. 

Being stuck between the two men makes the pink haired awkward and involuntarily he ends up seeking Hoseok, hiding behind his friend as they all took one last round of shots - minus the one Minhyuk learned is called Hyunwoo. Apparently, he’s the driver for the night. Must be nice to have a car, Minhyuk idly thinks while sucking on his slice of lemon. “I think we’ll head out too,” Jooheon tells him, hand reaching out to hold Minhyuk’s own. The butterflies return in full force with just one touch, but this time the shiny boy can’t ignore Hyunwoo’s gaze on him. “I’ll call you this week?” Jooheon suggests sort of shy and Minhyuk nods in the same manner. Hoseok gives him a weird look but says nothing until they’re on their way home, jumping in the last subway for the night. 

“So you had fun, huh,” the brunet nudges him but Minhyuk keeps quiet. Now that he’s had a fresh breath of air, his head is even more confused and dazed and the clarity he so much needed seemed untouchable. “Did you?” he asks in turn in a small voice, surprising Hoseok as well with the sudden mood change. The oldest shrugs slightly and slumps in his seat for the rest of the road. “It was alright. I sorta hoped to see my prince, but there was nobody with pink hair out there,” Hoseok mumbles, a dreamy look in his eyes at which Minhyuk can only shake his head. Typical of an incurable romantic like his hyung. Though it was nice that some people still believed in romance in this economy. Minhyuk would like to believe in it as well, but he’s scared of being caught in a net of disillusionment from which he could only ever get hurt. Hoseok always manages to get up, scratched and bleeding and with shaky legs, but still upright. Minhyuk would be left lying in a bloodbath. 

Climbing up in darkness five flights of stairs is a struggle but nothing they’re not used to, even in their semi-inebriated state. The two sneak into their apartment, mentally cursing the still creaking door and taking off their shoes in as much silence as they can muster, a hard task when Hoseok’s vinyl pants squeak with every move. “Good night,” the oldest whispers before tiptoeing on the wooden floor to his room, careful not to wake Kihyun up in fear of having something tossed at his head. Minhyuk does the same after cleaning up as much as he can of his makeup in the bathroom, layer after layer revealing all imperfections and flaws he knows to be invisible for most, but the mirror never lies to him. It always shows him for who he really is and that makes him want to crawl in bed and not get up for a few days. He intends to do so but the sight before him when he opens the door to his shared room leaves him stuck in place. 

There, in Kihyun’s bed, there’s not only his naked roommate but an equally naked Changkyun half on top of him and face nuzzled in Kihyun’s neck. For the millionth time that night, Minhyuk shakes his head and hopes to remember in the morning to ask Kihyun what  _ that _ is all about. As much as he’d like the two to be together, he knows pushing them right now could only lead to self-destruction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can imagine Hyungwon's boyfriend as any Minho you want. Choi, Song, Lee.


	3. Acoustics from the past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has a dream they're chasing or trying to forget, a wish they act upon or dismiss entirely. The dreams linger like music and the acoustics of the past always bring up one thing. “I’m selfish and I want him, I want him to pick me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wonho's lace bodysuit does things to me

We spend most of our lives sleeping and then the majority of that dormant time dreaming. Dreams keep us pushing forward, dreams help us build our lives. Dreams also ruin them and crush everything to pieces when they turn into nightmares. Dreams taste like bitter disappointment when they come into reality as we wanted them to but without any sense of gratification. It is dangerous to get lost in the dream.

Hoseok is a passionate man no matter what he does. As a child he enrolled in the boys' scouts and spent whole summers building houses for squirrels and cleaning up the sylvan area nearby his house, sometimes dragging his older brother along because he was scared to go in too deep but knew there was garbage to be taken care of there as well. His mother proudly displays a shot of her youngest with a black beret and a belt full of medals on her living room memory wall, next to photographs from graduations or her eldest’s wedding.

During high school, he put up the bases for a school magazine, a sort of journalism club but more elevated where everyone could be represented. Having a section for lgbt+ support in there is still one of his biggest achievements to date and he hopes the articles made others feel understood. Everyone has harsh battles to face but they don’t have to face them alone. The magazine turned into an umbrella sheltering people from the cold rain and he assumed his position as the editor in a way an older brother would take care of his siblings - a big protector.

In college, he filled hundreds of sketchbooks, his models taking all kinds of shapes, some more skinny and some with curves, some short and some unusually tall. Mostly, he focused on men clothing but not the kind you’d see in all the magazines out there. He was so tired of how the media pushed men into being extra masculine, all straight lines and boring colors, anything to singularize their muscles or make them seem more imposing. What is wrong with being soft? He embraced that part of himself, he accepted that even if he liked hitting the gym that did not mean he couldn’t do it while wearing pink shorts. And he wanted to make people see beyond gender stereotypes and create clothes that bring joy to those who wear them, be it a semi-seethrough crop top or something else.

Finding a job turned out to be much harder than he expected, his portfolio being turned down so many times at a point he simply stopped applying at all. He worried that his talent had constituted only fake, empty praise from teachers who didn’t really care. Maybe it was all in vain but that didn’t discourage him in the least, quite the opposite. Hoseok considers himself a fighter, somebody who doesn’t succumb to fate easily, somebody who fights to get on top of things. Somebody who fights to protect and to create.

With that in mind, after a dozen failed interviews, he got to guts to ask for very explicit feedback on why he doesn’t fit the criteria of the perfect employee. His possible employer obviously wasn’t planning to hire him after the clock struck quarter past two anyway, there was nothing to lose. The man in a full Gucci suit (rich, but poor taste in Hoseok’s opinion) rolled his eyes at the oblivious question. Maybe he wanted to get rid of him faster or took pity on Hoseok, but he adamantly replied.

“Look, all the other candidates had internships at Vogue or Elle, they grew up going on Channel runways. Seoul fashion week is like a class reunion to them. Your designs are fine, I admit some are even better than what other candidates have brought…” The man sighed like he couldn’t believe he had to say out loud what everyone already knows. “However, without a background in the industry, the chances of somebody hiring you are slim to null.”

Harsh and hurtful, but Hoseok got the message crystal clear. There’s no place for him in the fashion industry while he grew up with his mother cladding him in second-hand clothes or could only play with the toys his brother got bored of. Talent had little to do with success, a lesson he took with a grain of salt. He keeps his sketchbooks piled up by his bed and adds more designs whenever inspiration hits. One day, he might make it. That day is not coming anytime soon though and that’s alright. It’s completely fine. Just fine. He could move on.

The very next day, he applied to a record store, one of the only places in town that still sold legit vinyl discs, and got the post right away - nobody else tried for it before. Despite the place being in danger of closing down, he felt quite positive over it. Music has always been another passion of his, yet he never quite pursued it right, never taken it as seriously as his designs. His mother always tells him he’s been blessed with an angel’s voice and an angel’s soul. She probably just loves him too much and is biased though, like most mothers are. Maybe one day, he’ll believe as much in his talents as his mother does.

Taking this job ends up being one of the best decisions in his adult life so far, so Hoseok doesn’t look back on all the rejections with regret. They’ve been needed to push him in the right decision. And it does feel right, waking up in the morning, going for a jog around his neighborhood hoping not to get mobbed, then coming home for a quick shower. As if on the clock, Minhyuk and Kihyun always banter what type of cereal is better, crunchy or soggy, and whether the milk comes before or after while he minds his own business and makes himself a protein shake. Changkyun wakes up right before he leaves to the store and the routine brings a smile to Hoseok’s face, one that reaches his pointy ears. It feels like home.

He opens up the store a little before nine after checking the cash registry and making sure there’s no big issue lurking around that can’t be fixed later. He spends hours sorting out the discs, checking customers haven’t misplaced them while browsing and even more deciding what to play – the old turntable by the window is a pleasure to have around. The broom is his dance partner no matter what sort of tunes come from the platter, he can never decide between jazz and blues, disco as a guilty pleasure or some good ol’ Johnny Cash to brighten his day. It’s easier to explain to Mr. Kim, the owner, that he’s been swiping the floors and not simply having his own solo party, jamming to good music. Besides Changkyun, he’s basically the only person who comes to check on things. Customers are rare and few in between, mostly collectors or old people living in the past though Hoseok noticed in the recent year a rise in sales and teens dropping by. Mr. Kim thanked him for suggesting they get some newer discs, from bands like Arctic Monkeys and ‘whatever Gaga stuff you youngsters listen to these days’.

It’s an easy job, really, he’s basically being paid to play music and keep the place clean. Last summer, he cleaned the front windows shirtless, the smothering weather really preventing him from doing otherwise. Plus, Hoseok absolutely hates how clothes stick to his skin from sweat, but all the girls who suddenly grew interested in Beethoven didn’t seem to mind it rolling down his chest. Those were some busy days that even required restocking. Now autumn is chiller in more aspects. No high school girls with the worst gaydar he’s ever seen and unaware that he’d never look at minors that way, no insufferable heat melting his brains, just himself and his current sketchbook behind the counter. And Changkyun.

The boy comes in around noon two or three times a week, depending on his own working hours. It’s a strange development, Hoseok muses, considering the younger felt most awkward around him. Or at least that’s the impression Hoseok got over the past years of living together. The awkwardness that sometimes came between them didn’t diminish a growing bond. Changkyun loved the record store as much as his hyung. When they had time to chat and lounge together, they’d gather a pile of vinyls they’d like to have for themselves, imagine playing them at home. Not apartment 514, but a bigger house that still fit all of them. Hoseok is aware that one day in the near future, the age where it’s alright to have roommates will pass. Until then though, they can dream of living together forever.

“No customers?” the blond asks and plumps a paper bag in front of Hoseok’s face, careful still not to touch the sketchbook. He knows how important it is for his hyung. Hoseok shakes his head and is about to put away the book so they could enjoy this lunch break properly, when Changkyun stops him, fingers grasping his wrist. “Can I see?” he asks, eyes glinting with curiosity. Hoseok hesitates. He hasn’t shown anyone his latest sketches, although Changkyun is the only one actively asking to see them. They’re different from the usual clothes he designs, they’re more special and ...private. People were going to judge him, should he trust in Changkyun not to?

The blond is giving him full blown out puppy eyes by now, the look that earned him his nickname Kkukkung, the look Hoseok is weak for and can’t resist. With a shy smile, he hands the sketchbook to his flatmate and busies himself by unpacking the food Kihyun gave them. The smell of caramel pork with rice and salad is mouth-watering and he can’t wait to dig in. When he returns from the employee room with two cold cokes for them, Changkyun is still flipping through the designs, taking everything in slowly. It’s nerve-wracking for Hoseok, but he supposes the reaction is better than shock or, worse, disgust. “These ideas are brilliant, hyung,” Changkyun whispers.

That’s even better than he could have expected. Sure, everyone is aware that he’s going for a more androgynous style but this is entirely different. He glanced down to see which design grabbed Changkyun’s attention. A black lace bodysuit, cutting down into a v that shows off hip bones and ends up in a thong. What made it so special is the way it was drawn in a flattering way for any  type of body. Just a piece of pretty lingerie, beautiful in itself for its purpose. Ever since hearing his female classmates talk about how seeing themselves in lingerie brought a new sort of empowerment to them, gave them more confidence, and made them feel happier with their bodies, Hoseok wished to experience that feeling too.

The lingerie is more than some lace, it’s a moment for himself to express on the outside all the beauty from inside and to dedicate that to himself. It has nothing to do with him liking boys, as he worried some might accuse him discovering this secret of his. Looking at the sketch and imagining himself in it, Hoseok gets the sense that he knows what he wants. That his body is his own and he is able to express himself the way he wanted to. And more than everything, he hoped one day his creations would bring the same feeling to everyone.

Yes, the sketch is quite good and Hoseok feels proud of all the details he’s put into it yet brilliant is not the first word that comes to mind. “Did you try to create it?” Changkyun asks further when the other finally puts away his special book. “Like actually buy the material and make it.” Hoseok’s eyebrows raise up slightly, taken aback but after a moment he just shakes his head. No, he’s never tried to create lingerie. A lot of the clothes he owns are all sorts of experiments. One night stands with his sewing machine, as he sometimes called them, the only type of one night stands he’d engage in. “Why don’t you?”

Hoseok actually laughs at that. “Can you imagine Minhyuk and Kihyun stumbling across it?” Changkyun shrugs as though that’s not the weirdest thing they could find in their apartment. “If they react weirdly you could blame it on the hidden sex dungeon. Say it comes from there,” the blond suggests eliciting a burst of even louder laughter. Music played on top of music, really. Hoseok doesn’t notice the dreamy look in Changkyun’s eyes and takes the soft smile on his face as a sign of humor, appreciating his own joke. He supposes he could. Minhyuk blamed it when Kihyun found a bullet vibrator in their laundry hamper.

“Kyun, this has nothing to do with sex,” Hoseok explains and breaks apart his chopsticks. “They’re just clothes. Pretty clothes to feel pretty. I suppose people need it the most when they’re intimate, but that doesn’t mean it’s an exclusive relationship.” Changkyun agrees and even apologizes, though Hoseok doesn’t think that’s necessary. “Besides, I never made them ‘cause it’s hard to take the right measurements. The material is delicate and can be ruined easily, I have to be precise.” Another nod in agreement and then just silence and some Patti Smith acoustics.

The food gets inhaled in an instant, mostly by Hoseok who makes sure to thank Kihyun for yet another delicious lunch. Changkyun spends most of it subtly poking more in his hyung’s direction without the black haired noticing. “I think I’ll close the store early,” he announces while the visitor gets rid of their trash. The store owner never scolds him for it, especially on days with no sales. It’s a bad entrepreneurial attitude no doubt but having this sort of business cannot be dictated by money. It’s all about bringing happiness to the hearts of customers and that’s what Hoseok loved the most about it. Most of his money came from working as a professional trainer anyway.

“I gotta meet a client at the gym in a few hours, I could use the extra time to warm up,” he thinks aloud, prompting Changkyun to offer himself to walk with him. A strange deal, but not completely unusual. Nothing comes off as unusual when it is Im Changkyun who does it, Hoseok realizes. The boy’s got this presence, quite charming in fact, that makes you expect the unexpected. Maybe that’s what Kihyun likes so much about him. The blond waits for Hoseok to check everything again, to lock all the doors and take all the electronics out of their sockets - Mr. Kim is always paranoid about a single spark that could burn the whole building down.

Sometime between them eating and Hoseok taking the cartridge off the disc, a late autumn storm broke out, drapes over drapes over drapes of cold water splashing on the concrete. “I got an umbrella,” Changkyun grins, obviously smug that unlike his hyung he did check the weather forecast for the day. The umbrella, however, was built to fit only one person. And if that wasn’t enough, the constant splashes of cars driving by force them to walk even closer to each other and further from the street. Hoseok doesn’t really mind though, Changkyun is telling him about this research paper he’s helping one of his professors with and his voice sounds calm and relaxing in contrast to the booming in the clouds.

The road to the gym is not that long and most days it’s pleasant. There are plenty of nice shops to stop and look at, bakeries or boutiques that distract him with their tasty pastries and with nice aunties who compliment his look. It’s a sweet neighborhood, far from their own. It’s another benefit of working for Mr. Kim. When they pass by a coffee shop, Hoseok freezes in his steps, Changkyun bumping into him quite hard. It’s _him._

No, the pink hair is missing and his eyes have turned into a pearly grey, but it’s him, it’s _him._ Hoseok pushes past a stunned Changkyun, he runs across the street through the abrasive rain without a care and bursts into the local because he swore to himself, he won’t let his prince go the next time they meet. The coffee shop is bright and cheerful but it’s lacking anything original. It feels like a set used for every k-drama out there, it tastes like plastic. But it doesn’t matter, not the way people are staring at him or how he got soaked wet in seconds. All that matters is finding out the name of his soulmate and hopefully winning his heart. Running through a storm must count as some act of courage, right?

He approaches the brunet’s table and recognizes the guy who accompanies him - Kim Mingyu. He’s seen him at Jeonghan’s party, he’s not sure right now but they probably even had drinks together. Mingyu being there makes Hoseok grin, things are aligning just right and he’s finally meeting his prince. A wave of confidence splashes over him and makes him shiver in anticipation - this must be what wearing the bodysuit feels like. However, when he’s just a step away from the two though, Hoseok realizes it is not confidence that hit him but a typhoon of idiocy. And perhaps a future cold. For next to Mingyu wasn’t actually his manga prince.

The boy is beautiful, there’s no denying it. His face is very handsome and very similar to the one painted behind Hoseok’s eyelids, yet Hoseok immediately spots the differences. The lips aren’t as full, the eyes aren’t as round, there’s no cute mole under the eyebrow - right eyebrow. He could be called a prince for all the majestic aura around him, but…

But he’s not Hoseok’s prince.

“Hoseok-sunbaenim?” Mingyu asks surprised, snapping Hoseok out of his panicked disappointment, clearly expecting some sort of explanation for the sudden invasion. Oh God, is Mingyu on a date? This is so embarrassing. “Uh, hi. I was just passing by and saw you here so I came to say… hi.” The award for the smoothest comeback will never be passed to Hoseok, that much is sure. Mingyu is a nice guy though, easy going and cheerful. Now he remembers they had lots of fun at the party and Mingyu must remember too, otherwise, there’s no logical argument for the happy grin on his face.

“Hi, it’s nice to see you. I hope you can come to Seungkwan’s party the Friday after? I’m not sure if Minhyuk knows about it yet,” Hoseok shakes his head. No, Minhyuk doesn’t know about the party otherwise he’d be spamming him nonstop to get ready for it. The way the not-his-prince guy rolls his eyes when Mingyu brings up Boo Seungkwan doesn’t go unnoticed to Hoseok, whose eyes are still trained on the stranger. “Oh, right. This is my friend, Cha Eunwoo.”

Hoseok shakes Eunwoo’s hand, feeling more embarrassed by the minute. Embarrassed for ruining whatever is going on between Eunwoo and Mingyu, and far more embarrassed for thinking Eunwoo could be his prince. For thinking it would be so easy to find his soulmate in the crowd. After a few promises to hang out soon and sure, they’re all coming to Seungkwan’s party, Hoseok rushes out of the cafe the way he came. He says nothing to Changkyun, who’s still waiting and holding the umbrella for him. His heart is too crushed to listen to his friend’s inquiries. Maybe they’d be easier to swallow than the general disapproval settled between them the rest of the way.

 

***

 

Minhyuk circled Kihyun like a prey bird waiting to dive down and swallow an appetizing field mouse, unforgiving narrowed eyes studying every movement like a hawk and looking out for the right time to ask what the hell happened. Finding Kihyun entangled with a naked Changkyun in the bed opposite his is not something he could just let go, he had to know the whole truth about this messy situation. Considering Changkyun has fled a room whenever Kihyun entered eight times out of ten, Minhyuk becomes even more interested in the juicy details. It takes a few days to get the other all alone, always being disturbed by one of their roommates or conflicting work schedules. Even if they shared a bedroom, Kihyun made sure to either go to sleep really early or really late.

Avoiding Minhyuk is a challenging task in and of itself but Kihyun manages to do it for four full days. Surprisingly, he receives no award for it even if he deserved a medal, but there’s no time to celebrate the fantastic feat. As soon as Changkyun leaves the apartment with his lunch box, Minhyuk strikes knowing it’s his only chance to attack. He bites his tongue from teasing Kihyun about being such a good mother, packing up lunch for the kiddies, and goes instead right for his throat. No mercy for fugitive roommates.

“So you and Changkyun, huh. You two had some fun after the party?” Kihyun’s shoulders tense noticeably for a moment before he probably forces himself to relax and act natural. Or at least as natural as possible when he’s been caught red-handed. Minhyuk has always been able to read him easily though and they are both aware that denying will lead to nowhere but it doesn’t stop Kihyun from scoffing, “I don’t know what you’re implying but your party was pretty boring so we just left. Hyung was all caught up in a prince-daze and you found somebody to leech on.”

Minhyuk gasps overdramatically like he’s just been insulted but Kihyun knows better than to believe that. He just wants to get it over with and never talk about it again. The memory still stings like a burn that doesn’t want to heal. He’d acted foolish, irresponsible and impulsive. He demanded something Changkyun wasn’t willing to give, not to him, something that’s already been claimed. Still, for one moment Kihyun thought that Changkyun could move on and forget about Hoseok, he thought he’d realize how foolish it is to cling to someone who would not return your feelings. He’s quite a hypocrite, isn’t he?

“I am not a leech. I got a date, mind you, tomorrow night. And also, I’m not implying anything because I _know_ ,” the playful tone dissipates into a low and grave tune that doesn’t fit well with Minhyuk’s usual cheerfulness. It’s quite scary every time Kihyun comes across it. “I know what I saw Kihyun, don’t lie to me. You slept with Changkyun and running from me or him won’t change that.” Collecting himself not to just smash the plate against a wall (or over his friend’s head), Kihyun turns around and inspects his kitchenette. The dishes are washed, the fridge is stocked, their snacks drawer could use a refill. He’ll let Minhyuk deal with that, as soon as he stops being a total pain in the ass.

“I am not running from anything. Maybe I slept with him, but it was consensual and more importantly: none of your business.” Kihyun’s glare could be quite fierce but nothing phases Minhyuk. The rosy haired man pulls out a chair from their small dining table - breakfast at best really, it could only fit two people and they never use it for its intended purpose. Crossing his legs and arms, he gets his point across with just his stance. Minhyuk doesn’t believe Kihyun’s words one tiny bit. “So our Kkukkung suddenly stopped thirsting over our hyung and jumped to roll into your sheets. Must have felt amazing to finally have him notice you.” Salt on an open cut, Minhyuk couldn’t have been more hurtful even if he wanted and Kihyun’s torn between shouting and crying.

“Is there something you want?” he finally asks, jaw clenched and fists gripping the countertop tightly. He already knows all this, he has felt it on his skin. Changkyun already broke Kihyun’s heart when he wouldn’t allow even one glance into his own, when he put a thick layer of ice between them despite their chests touching. The boy already did more damage than good that night and although pleasure hadn’t been completely out of the picture, it barely represented a corner. It’s a memory Kihyun has been trying to erase ever since but no matter how many showers or body scrubs, the feel of Changkyun’s hands on him would not go away, Minhyuk didn’t have to rub it in his face for it to hurt.

“I don’t want you to suffer even more, Ki…” It surely didn’t look like that by pressing and insisting on the issue but the softness in his almost birthday-twin’s voice surprises him.  Still, at the end of the day he knows Minhyuk is reliable, he knows he’s one of the most caring people in his life, and he’s so very grateful for that. “I don’t think you and Kyun are good for each other, but I don’t think he and Hoseok would work out either. I’m worried, you’re all my friends and this stupid love triangle will hurt you all.” Kihyun scoffs. There’s no triangle, he wants to say, there’s just a dumb straight line that unites us in our hopelessness. A string that has a manga prince as the crown.

“It’s not that easy,” Kihyun’s temper finally explodes in Minhyuk’s face after being poked at too much. “I can’t just press a button and erase my feelings, you know? I liked him since day one and it’s just getting worse. Like all the time, and now,” he takes a deep breath, he’s never said any of this out loud before and frustration eats him up alive. Something about Minhyuk encourages him to be vulnerable though, to let his guard down and pour it all out. To accept his broken pieces and show them instead of swapping them under a mat. “Now that I know for sure he doesn’t return my feelings, there’s no more hope in me. Only pain.”

“Ki- “ Whatever Minhyuk wanted to interject gets cut off, all that he’s been repressing since the party bursting to the surface. “But now I also know how it feels to be close to him, so it’s a pain I can’t let go of. I want more of that even if I know it’s not healthy, you get it?” The words come out hissed and with difficulty, tears choking him up and interrupting his speech. “I’m selfish and I want him, I want him to pick me. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?” Minhyuk gets up from the table and closes the distance to wrap his arms around Kihyun, whose shoulders were shaking by now from the burning emotions opening up fresh wounds.

More tears come and wet Minhyuk’s shoulder while they held onto each other so very tight in the small space between the fridge and oven. Kihyun is grateful they’re alone, horrified at the thought of being seen for the mess he really is behind his usual bossy mask. It’s bad enough Minhyuk’s a witness, it would be devastating to have Changkyun discover this side of him. Quite arrogant of him to want the exact same thing in return though. “I suppose Im Changkyun turned me into a masochist,” he sighs and finally pulls away from the comforting hug. Minhyuk doesn’t laugh at his joke and his eyes look even more worried now so Kihyun quickly changes the subject. “You said you got a date tomorrow, you have to spill it all. And buy me a bucket of ice cream for embarrassing me.”

 

***

 

Hyunwoo is a quiet individual, often taking a seat back to observe and analyze the situation before speaking his own mind and adding only necessary input. It’s part of what makes him a great team leader at the office, all the employees being more than happy to work for such a charismatic executive, never complaining even once when Hyunwoo gives them even more tasks or the very rare request to stay extra hours to wrap up a day’s job. But even without his keen eye, it’s easy to notice the change around. The skipping in Jooheon’s walk, the way his dimples show up even more than usual, how he checks his phone’s notifications every three minutes. He’s seen this side of Jooheon before, of course, he has when they grew up together, and he’s very happy his little brother found some happiness at last.

Jooheon deserves all the joy and good things in the world, and he deserves to love and be loved in return unconditionally. Hyunwoo wished him nothing less from the day they met on a playdate. But an insecure voice from the back of his head kept nagging, asking when it will be his time to receive some happiness of his own, wishing to receive as much love as his friends do. He would never speak badly about his family, they raised him well and he is grateful to have lived such a privileged life, to grow up loved and have doors open up for him at call. He treasures his brothers as well even if they are not true siblings, not by blood ties at least, and he’s always felt appreciated by the two youngsters. To show how grateful he is to have been blessed with so much already in his life, he always put everyone else first and his own wishes on the sideline.

He would have liked to become an athlete actually, to spend his days out in the open exercising and running and feeling free with no bounds. But his father wanted him to inherit the family business more than anything else and the pressure of disappointing someone he loves is not among the burdens he can carry. Hyunwoo knows his parents would have felt guilty if they knew he’s only doing it for their sake though, so he pushed himself even further to look like he’s enjoying his work, even when he’s bored out of his mind and his back is sore from sitting behind a desk all day. He pushed himself even further anytime one of his brothers’ happiness meant sacrificing his own. “I brought you last year’s report on the third quarter’s sales,” Hyungwon comes into his office, the same bored expression on his face as usual. “Ah, thanks,” Hyunwoo takes the file and quickly looks up the digits he needed for tomorrow’s board meeting.

“I think you should have a break, Son-sunbaenim.” Hyungwon always insisted to act all professional while they’re on company property, addressing both him and Jooheon with their surnames and never making it look like they’re more than simple co-workers. Hyunwoo appreciates the effort, he tries to be just as professional but still cracks in front of the two people closest to him in the whole world. He can’t call Jooheon Lee-ssi with a straight face, he just can’t, and the same problem arises each time Hyungwon comes down from his department to speak to him. “I can’t really afford a break, I need to finish preparing this papers and the strategic plan suggestions for the next quarter.” Hyungwon says nothing to that and for a moment Hyunwoo thinks the younger just left the room, sneaking out like a cat without making a sound. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened, Hyungwon has a tendency to come and go as he pleases. His head is starting to ache though and maybe he should raid his desk drawer in search of a lost protein bar or some chocolate. Maybe he could ask his assistant to go and bring him one more coffee. Or even be a bit selfish and ask her to order him a late lunch despite the unwritten policy to never order food unless you order for everyone. On second thought, maybe everyone could use some takeout indeed.

“I’m sure you can just pass it on to Byulyi. That’s why you pay her,” Hyungwon shrugs. Apparently, he took a seat in front of Hyunwoo’s desk. “So you just pass on all your responsibility to Yongsun-ssi?” Hyunwoo asks without glancing up from the papers in front of him, eyes squinting from behind glasses at the small characters. These were supposed to be printed out in standard Times New Roman, size 12 – not 10; but it’s too late to give a notice about it and scolding employees has never been his forte. Hyungwon, on the other hand, had no issues even firing people, giving orders left and right and acting like he’s in charge. Hyunwoo supposes that will come in handy one day when they themselves run this company, but he’d still rather be a bit more considerate. For example, he’s already made Byulyi run plenty of errands in the morning so he won’t torture her with even more unless something came up. Hyungwon’s own secretary, on the other hand, is probably overworked at her desk upstairs in the Sales Department.

“Not all, just the mindless things that don’t require my expertise. Anyone can draft a report comparing our scores between the past months and last year’s results. If you continue like this you’ll end up full of wrinkles and with grey hair in your thirties, hyung.” Now, that response was unexpected. Hyungwon calling him hyung before five p.m.? Shocking. Hyunwoo leans back in his chair, trying not to stretch until his bones crack from the pressure. “Is there something you want to discuss?” Hyungwon seems to be checking his cleanly cut nails, or maybe the beige carpet beneath his Italian leather shoes, not showing any sign that he's heard the question. But Hyunwoo knows better. The younger is avoiding the subject, trying to buy himself some time before bringing up what’s been bothering him all along – that's if he’ll speak at all. The older man waits patiently. You never coerce a cat to come out from its hiding place by force.

“Jooheon…He’s got a date coming up and he’s all hyped up about it…” Hyunwoo nods, remembering the victory dance Jooheon demonstrated in their kitchen earlier in the day after getting a confirmation text from Minhyuk. Hyunwoo cheered for him and fried some extra bacon at breakfast to celebrate. “Hyung, we don’t know anything about this Minhyun guy. What if he’s some scam? What if he uses Jooheon for his money or influence? Besides that, Jooheon _shouldn't_ be seen with a guy in public. Me being gay has deteriorated the company’s name enough as it is. Imagine the tabloids if this date turns out to be some dropout with a badly paid job…” The sheer amount of words spilled are enough to show that Hyungwon’s genuinely worried about his friend, but the concern is even more underlined by his hushed tone of voice. It takes Hyunwoo a moment to process everything.

He got Hyungwon’s point, mostly. Minhyuk appeared out of nowhere and the two met at a Halloween party – Hyunwoo still remembers how stunning the other boy looked, full of glitter and smiling so widely like the world is full of people like him. Hyunwoo wished that were true. His pink-haired friend is naturally entitled to worry about a person coming to profit off their younger brother. Jooheon has a heart too big and fragile for this world and the chances of him getting hurt are alarmingly high. Still. “You’re quite a hypocrite about this. Jooheon is a big boy, he can make his own choices and assume risks on his own. I’m sure he’s aware of what coming out might bring both to him and to us when it comes to the press. The only one who can decide if this is the right thing for him though is Jooheon himself,” Hyunwoo replies wisely, voice just as low and hushed. It is never safe enough to discuss personal life issues anyway in public. Hyungwon once made the mistake to talk about boyfriend problems during their intern days and the gossip ended up in three different magazines. Jooheon tried to make light of the situation by saying all magazines picked good photos of Hyungwon and his boyfriend at the time, but even that didn't help the sour mood much.

Hyunwoo still had more to say about it, something not settling right with him about what his brother worded. “What’s with all that superiority coming from you? Not everyone can afford to get a degree. We’re just lucky to have been born in this environment, that doesn't make us any better than the people living on the streets.” Hyungwon opens his mouth to comment but Hyunwoo’s no-nonsense speech left him with no comeback. Initially, he wanted to deliver the papers to Hyunwoo in person so he could ask his hyung to join him for a walk outside, the Midweek stress hitting him right in the head like a hammer. He urgently needed a break from all this, from meetings, from his father, and maybe especially from Minho. The poor guy has been nothing but nice to him ever since their relationship became official, he’s been making great efforts to get Hyungwon to warm up to him, and planned the sweetest and most thoughtful dates Hyungwon’s been on. But…

He gets up and decides to take that walk all by himself. Hyunwoo is obviously too preoccupied with other issues at hand, more important than the state of mind of his friend and future co-partner. Perhaps nicotine will help reduce the immense pressure built up in his throat, although he’s been trying to quit for a solid year. The executive finds Yongsun drinking coffee with Byulyi at the younger’s desk on his way out - apparently, his secretary also decided to take a break without announcing him beforehand. He will deal with that later when his head isn’t pounding and his whole body doesn’t want to melt into a puddle of despair. Four coffees might have something to do with it, but he doesn’t refuse the fifth one Yongsun brings him as soon as she notices his presence.

Without as much as a 'thanks', Hyungwon goes on the balcony, the one only he and a few select people have access to. His hands are still trembling too much for him to properly light a cigarette, the spark of his lighter taking quite a few attempts before finally turning into a flame. "Ah..." Nothing is as sweet as the first drag of smoke on a shitty day. When aren’t his days shitty though, Hyungwon wonders. The image of the man he bumped into last week pops up before his eyes, the softness of that red scarf still so very tangible to his fingertips. Hyungwon shakes his head. He should have gotten used to this, he should have gotten _over_ it. Being Chae Hyungwon meant several things and came with certain obligations in the job description. Control over his own decisions and being himself though isn’t one of them.

It’s easy for Hyunwoo to speak like that from his desk, the one he planned to have all his life. It’s easy for Jooheon to act so carefree and invite whoever he wants on a date without even checking their background first or whether they have a criminal record. They can be themselves without any consequences whatsoever. Hyungwon can not. And he should accept that, but deep down, as long as he remembers his mother’s red scarf, he can not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have recently opened commissions if anyone is interested or ever wanted to see me write a specific idea ^^ for more details [you can check out here](https://twitter.com/seoulfulnights/status/1087397043834892289)
> 
> also if you wanna talk to me you can find me on [twitter ](https://twitter.com/seoulfulnights)or [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/seoulfulnights)


	4. Warm smile like the sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a circus. A circus and all eyes are on us, waiting for some sort of spectacular performance. If you don’t want to get fed to the lions, put on your best show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> after a long time, i'm finally updating this wow
> 
> a short disclaimer before we proceed! since i want to explore all seven members as main characters in this fic, i've decided to only approach a few in each chapter. so each chapter will focus on other members as fairly as possible :3

Before any life can begin, there must be a sun. To brighten up the darkness and bring warmth, to offer hope for the deepest abyss and mend the hurt shredded by his lover the moon. Sometimes, he takes cover under thick layers of wooly vapor, and lets sadness drop down in the shape of tears. But he’s always there, as long as you look for the silver lining he throws your way. 

 

A quick shower helps Hoseok wash off the embarrassment he soaked into earlier, the one still clinging to his wet clothes from when he burst into that cafe and interrupted Mingyu and Eunwoo. His eyebrow twitches at the sore memory, at how convinced he’d been Eunwoo was indeed his manga prince when at most he turned out to be just a good double. To make things worse, Changkyun had been with him and the boy kept giving him worried looks for the rest of the road as they walked in silence towards the gym. For some reason Hoseok doesn’t understand, the younger had still insisted to drop off his hyung, who would have been left stranded otherwise with no umbrella in the pouring rain. 

“I’m alright, Kkukkung,” the slight tremble betrayed his true attempt was to reassure himself and not the other. The unpredictable, impulsive reaction so unlike his soft-spoken nature pushed Hoseok to question his own sanity as well, so he obviously can’t blame his friend nor dismiss Changkyun’s frown with a shrug like it was nothing. Perhaps he spent too much time in his head as of late, lost in that little fairy tale his heart weaves around a fading picture. Pink hair, blue eyes, plump lips, tall figure. “You should go before that nasty professor makes you grade the students’ papers. Or write a chapter for her PhD. Or whatever else she makes you do,” he teased, eliciting a very pained groan from Changkyun. The boy had been complaining earlier about how demanding his job as a research assistant turned out to be and, in spite of his birdbrain, Hoseok had listened well. 

As he turns off the water and ruffles his hair dry with a white towel, the brunet makes a mental note to wrap up a nice vinyl from Florence Welch and give it to Changkyun for Christmas. They’ve spent hours on end listening to her discography in the small music shop, Hoseok sweeping the floors and dancing with the broom on cheery tunes while Changkyun smiled and hummed along the striking lyrics. Or maybe Changkyun would enjoy Florence’s lyric book even more, a beautiful hardcover with shiny pages decorated with all sorts of doodles and notes and illustrations. Either way, he’s sure such a gift would make the younger happy. 

Hoseok already saved up enough money to order new lenses for Kihyun’s camera and then some for a whole day at the Lotte World Aquarium where Minhyuk could see his beloved whales. His closest friends have been working hard, he misses Kihyun’s photography and Minhyuk’s shoulders have been too stiff for a while, and Hoseok knows they both deserve a break in their own fantasy world. Changkyun remained last on his Santa list, the enigmatic maknae hardest to guess after a rather rocky period of weird tensions and awkwardness between them. Thankfully, Hoseok noticed the strange mist began to ooze away step by step, Changkyun’s presence less biting and more inviting each day. In between long shifts and efforts on all parts to make ends meet, Hoseok has become truly reliant on his three roommates but he wouldn’t change a thing. 

“Welcome to Interstellar Gym!” he greets his client for the day with a bright smile, hoping they will get along just well. The guy’s height, a head well above his own, strikes Hoseok as intimidating in a way he’s forgotten to be possible. There are plenty of taller guys he spends time with, and it’s not that difficult for someone to fall into that category considering he’s only average himself. But unlike Minhyuk or even his Cinderella prince, this client isn’t surrounded by rosewater nor oozing compassion. When he locks eyes with Hoseok, the trainer is met with a wall of ice, muscles that shout discipline and rigor, and a practiced smile. The typical frame of a corporate chief that Hoseok dislikes so much. 

“A few trusted acquaintances recommended you, so I hope they weren’t wrong about you,” the man speaks at last, yet his face barely sketches any expression beside the slightly raised eyebrow. Hoseok thinks he could win at any poker table in Vegas, or perhaps this just comes in as part of the job description. _Manager. Qualifications: heart made of stone, capable of no remorse or empathy, preferably looks like a Renaissance statue_. “Definitely not, sir – “ the brunet tries to appease the other but his mouth clamps shut in an instant, a red flush coloring his poking ears. What an amateur move, Hoseok is mortified. His client’s name comes off completely blank in his mind, or better said, he hasn’t even bothered to check it again, mind preoccupied among pink clouds. The man is not too happy to take notice of that, however, he allows Hoseok this one single slip. “You can just call me Minho.” 

“Of course, Minho-ssi,” Hoseok tries not to let his lisp be too obvious since nervousness tends to make it appear through the cracks. The scrutinizing gaze Minho throws at him doesn’t ease his nerves, but Hoseok manages to pull himself together. “Please tell me what exactly you’re looking for from our meetings so I can prepare the best program for your needs.” Polite, always smiling, maybe a bit too open, but that is Hoseok’s personal policy. Only show your best side and even if they’re not your friends, treat them kindly. Hopefully, they’ll follow the example you set and alter their behavior to match yours. His mother’s lessons resound with him still, and as always they speak in universal truths. 

Minho turns out to be less of a douche than he first expected after an entire hour of small talk, instructions, and suggestions. Hoseok concludes his new client just suffers from the common emotional constipation so many guys like to immerse themselves in. Half of his assumptions had been right though, so he doesn’t feel too bad about judging Minho in such a simplistic manner. The man is indeed working for a corporation in the higher tier levels of management, but he didn’t disclose which company nor which position. It would have been too unprofessional of Hoseok to inquire further, so the trainer settles only to ask why someone with Minho’s busy schedule would allocate so much of his time into gym sessions. 

Once more, he’s only half surprised by the answer he receives. 

“Recently, I’ve started going out with someone. I want to look my best and I know they’d appreciate it too.” Hoseok had a hunch it has to do with some love interest from the way Minho kept checking his reflection in the mirror every so often. Not in a narcissistic way like those who only come here to show off, and not with a critical eye like those who are on their bodybuilding road either. Yet, no mention of a girl. _They_.

It hits Hoseok like a splash of cold water in the morning, waking him up from slumber. He takes a better look at Minho, wonders and searches, and seeks some sort of confirmation. Some sort of sign that Minho meant it the same way Hoseok would have when he used to describe his partners in the most gender-neutral wording. Not lying about their real identity or his own sexuality, just omitting the obvious truth. Minho remains a wall of ice though, impenetrable by Hoseok’s attentive gaze as he carries on lifting some weights Hoseok gave him for starters. _Keep it professional_ , Hoseok reminds himself.

“Then I’ll make sure to see that through,” he smiles politely and leads Minho to the next part of their drill for the day. At the end of the program, his mind still buzzes with curiosity and, maybe, a bit too much hope. If he’s right a third time, Hoseok is sure they could actually become friends. Or they could at least empathize more with one another and get rid of Minho’s uptight facade. Both choices sounded marvelous to him, as is the case with any other scenario that involves love and romance, Hoseok can’t wait to hear more about Minho’s motivation and his progress.

Sadly, as he’ll find out later on, Hoseok is only ever half right and never in the way he would expect. 

  


***

 

Changkyun doesn’t like to think a lot about his times as a college student – although, technically he still goes to the same college every other day and meets his old teachers in the cafeteria when he asks for coffee refills, the professors giving him superior looks hidden behind polite smiles. He expected such treatment when joining professor Jang as her research assistant anyway, and he knows better than to try and befriend the other post-graduates who’ve stuck around the campus for similar reasons. College became even more of a shark tank once he had a degree in his hands and decided to pursue education further, but the towering laboratory buildings still have the power to stir some pleasant memories within him. And he’s also grown quite attached to his lab coat, too attached to give it up and search work somewhere else.

What he certainly didn’t miss are the awkward walks of shame he used to be guilty off as a freshman. Once he escaped his parents’ home, like most teenagers thrown out in the world on their own, he made a couple of _very_ bad choices. Spending his entire first year in university partying was just one of them. Hooking up with people he never met was another. For a couple of months, Changkyun woke up in strangers’ beds with terrible headaches and little recognition of what went down the previous night – usually, it was him. And for weeks afterwards, he’d be forced to run all the way across the other side of the campus to avoid bumping into his embarrassing one night stands. Thankfully, Changkyun managed to get a grip of his life by the end of his second term, find some stability and focus on what really mattered to him. Love and flings didn’t make the cut.

Not until he’s moved into apartment 514, which led him to this whole predicament he found himself in. Minhyuk was still out, running late for dinner, and Hoseok decided to spend the weekend over at his mom’s to rekindle their mother-son relationship. Changkyun couldn’t quite understand that since he has never been particularly close to either of his parents, but he found it sweet. Then again, everything related to Hoseok is sweet. Meeting the other hyung made Changkyun have a serious change of heart to the point he supposed love wasn’t so bad as long as he could share it with Hoseok. He _lived_ for the rare moments they’d get to be together, to listen to music or just discuss the current show they’ve been binge watching.

At first, realizing his silly crush on the older made him quite clumsy and uneasy around Hoseok. He’d end up saying the wrong things, blurting weird comments out of the blue, tripping over stuff that wasn’t there. Hoseok, bless his soul, thought nothing of it – or at least nothing to embarrass Changkyun even more. Yet he confronted the younger and asked whether Changkyun finds him intimidating for some oblivious reason, eyes worried and lips pouty. Changkyun would have laughed if the urge to kiss Hoseok wasn’t clogging up his throat, so he only shook his head and after coughing to clear off some of the hanging nervousness, he said, “Of course not. What gave you that idea, hyung? Actually, you know what, let’s go to the convenience store and grab some ramen.” Turns out bonding over a bowl of cheap noodles at midnight is the ideal way to get in Hoseok’s good graces.

And still, Changkyun noticed a few bugs in his otherwise flawless intentions of getting all of Hoseok’s good graces for himself. For one thing, his hyung is _really_ oblivious to others liking him. Despite all the parties Minhyuk drags them along as though they were his little puppies (or rather underdogs), despite all the people shamelessly flirting with Hoseok in the middle of the club (and right in front of Changkyun’s salad), despite the alluring aura Hoseok simply exuded, beguiling everyone on a mile radius towards his person, still Hoseok could not see how hopelessly in love Changkyun is. Perhaps it is for the better, considering they’re roommates and share a flat with two other guys, which could potentially become really awkward if they indeed ended up together. But then, there is also Kihyun.

He never looked at Kihyun as a potential _anything_ until last week, but obviously the same is not true for the older. Perhaps Changkyun has been just as oblivious as Hoseok for not seeing what’s right under his nose, or maybe he makes it out to be bigger in his head than it actually is. Either way, they shared a moment – an intimate and vulnerable one that left them both feeling empty and gutted and even a bit teary eyed. And ever since, Changkyun couldn’t bear to face his hyung. The one who warmed up to him first, the one with whom he shared the best inside jokes, the one who always made sure he was fed and clean and slept well. Naturally, he feels extremely guilty for hurting Kihyun, unintentionally as it was. He should have known better, he should have been able to discern even in those hazed hours that finding solace in one another is not the solution.

They were both lonely, Changkyun concludes at last. He was terribly jealous of that unannounced manga prince sweeping Hoseok off his feet while Kihyun – well, he too must have his own problems, right? Minhyuk often jokes about how their chef suffers from SLoD (severe lack of dicking), which only ever results in a flushed Kihyun trying to gag his best friend with a spoon while Changkyun and Hoseok laugh their asses off on the side. And still, in the three years they’ve shared an apartment, Changkyun hasn’t seen Kihyun go out on a date even once and eventually he just assumed the brunet had no interest in dating or sex, and he could respect and understand that very well. Last Wednesday proved him otherwise though, in fact, that night turned his entire world around.

If he closes his eyes he can still remember the feel of Kihyun’s soft skin in his palms, the taste of his drunk lips, the glimmer of candles and moonlight in that blackout. But it’s better if he doesn’t. It’s better if he tries to bury the memory and never let it back to the surface, if he takes a spoon and chokes it breathless until there’s nothing left of that shivering light. He did an inexcusable thing that night, taking advantage of Kihyun while the other wasn’t any more sober than himself. He took advantage of that kind heart opened towards him while his own was frozen and locked, with a key only Hoseok knows to find – if he were to look for it in the first place. Alas, all three are not left stranded in this emotional desert. Changkyun loves Hoseok, yet Hoseok loves love. And Kihyun – no, Changkyun still had no idea about what Kihyun actually felt. Only assumptions. Theories. Conspiracies. He is good with those, but feelings? Not so much his area of expertise.

“I think I’ll just make some fried chicken tonight,” Kihyun says from the kitchen doorway. Changkyun’s got his back turned to him, hunched over some reports and articles he has to read to complete his latest assignment, even though his eyes have trailed over the same line for more than ten times in a row now. “Sounds goods,” he replies more out of politeness than anything else. He’s been looking for an escape plane ever since Minhyuk texted not to wait for him when he bumped into Jeonghan earlier and they got a lot to catch up on. The news immediately kicked in a new wave of awkwardness between the two roommates who haven’t been alone since that damned night, not if it could be avoided. Thankfully, Kihyun appeared to be on the same page as Changkyun here, fleeing any room as soon as Changkyun entered without any explanation and only ever addressing the maknae directly when the other two were around.

 _Does he regret it?_ Changkyun wonders but he’s too much of a coward to bring up the subject and find out the answer. They should talk about it, he is aware that they _really_ should talk about what happened, but an unreasonable crumble of his heart hopes the story can just be burned down. His muscles are stiff and he can feel Kihyun’s eyes boring into his nape as though he’s trying to pull out more words by force. Changkyun remains voiceless like the dark new moon. “Do you have time to help me out? It’s gonna be done quicker that way,” Kihyun asks, voice even and Changkyun has a hard time trying to distinguish whether his hyung is really unaffected by the situation or just a great actor. Reluctantly, he discards the pile of papers in his lap and shuffles his way to the kitchen with the same tempo a hanged man rushes to his rope.

Without the soft tunes of some nightly show on the radio, the stifling air of the kitchen would have become suffocating. Changkyun helps Kihyun cut the chicken tenders and then boil the rice while the chef dips the meat into seasoning and flour before throwing them in the sizzling pan. “Lots of work for that research thing?” Kihyun asks casually, clearly making great efforts to build back a bridge that collapsed. Changkyun has the decency to meet him halfway at least. “Yeah, the professor keeps changing her mind about the approach to follow. When she offered me the job, I thought it would be interesting but now I think she just wanted somebody to ghost write it for her and call it a day.” That’s what he told Hoseok earlier too when he asked his friend for advice on whether he should call quits or not. For now, all this trouble didn’t seem to be worth it.

“Why don’t you try to be the head chef instead of a line cook then? Write your own article, you’re gonna be more into the work itself that way,” Kihyun suggests after a moment, thinking of his own issues at the restaurant. Despite earning the qualifications to be a real cook – and having far more developed taste buds than all the chefs in charge of the menu, the staff still treats him like some random kitchen hand. Chop this, boil that, wash those dishes when you’re done. He’s been in that forgotten hellhole for over a year, yet no one is willing to at least give him a chance and prove his skills. It’s not like they would risk losing credentials for serving what they assume to be lesser dishes – Kihyun is confident enough to say he can match the sous chef though, but no one is taking the risk to let him go through a whole recipe.

Changkyun shakes his head resigned. “There’s no point. You need some backup for that sort of thing, gotta prove what you’re doing is actually relevant and will bring new things to the table. And then you also need funding, duh.” Kihyun hums, sound covered by the noise of oil sputtering and splashing the kitchen countertop. The radio is playing some old ballads he used to sing years back, songs of heartache and longing and, how fortunate, unrequited love. He’s been getting a lot of unrequited things lately, Kihyun muses to himself as he watches the yellow breading turn a delicious shade of brown. Maybe he should have cooked along some chewy hearts and liver as well, it would have gone well with the new sauce he wanted to try out. And wouldn’t it be symbolic to burn hearts while Changkyun is but a few feet away? From the corner of his eye, he can see the younger glancing in his direction with a concerned look but he acts more preoccupied with turning the pieces of chicken over to get the perfect crispy texture as he takes them out of the pan.

“Hey, about that party –“ Changkyun finally finds the guts to speak up but the words die in his throat. Kihyun winches, the memory still incredibly sore. No, he’s not ready to tell Changkyun what that meant to him, what _he_ means to Kihyun, or just how deep his feelings actually run. Not now and perhaps not ever. So when he turns towards Changkyun, he gathers all the composure Kihyun himself didn’t think he’s capable of conjuring, and simply shrugs. “Let’s just drop it, okay?” Changkyun turns once again mute, surprise and gratefulness making his eyes sparkle and throwing another dagger in Kihyun’s heart, more tender than their dinner. “Be careful not to overcook that rice,” he adds a second later. Changkyun curses and goes back to his sole task while Kihyun grabs a pair of plates and sets the table.

The rigidness has boiled away – at least in part, while they shove chicken in their hungry mouths and wash it down with rice and soda. Changkyun’s shoulders, finally slumped down, give Kihyun some sense of reassurance that this is a small victory on his part. Then why does he feel like he’s losing everything?

 

***

 

Minhyuk likes to play the field. Sometimes he ended up playing so much that the field started to look ploughed, all the faces from dating apps or nights out already familiar and bland to him. Nothing exciting, no one who can take his breath away and make him feel like the ground is shaking. Which in retrospect is ridiculous – he’s not a teenager anymore, he should stop having these grand expectations when it comes to dating and accept reality as it is. Cold and unsatisfying. He has no right to laugh at Hoseok’s hopeless romanticism when he himself dreams of a love so passionate and intense that he can no longer distinguish up and down, night and day, salt from sugar. He’s always had this unsated hunger for a love so consuming he’d combust in flames.

When he saw Hyunwoo in the club, he thought finally his time had come. Gorgeous bronzed skin, plump lips, a sharp jaw to match a fierce gaze. Hyunwoo seemed to be taken out of Minhyuk’s wildest dreams, the faceless man who haunts his fantasies and waking hours, the crown of his unreasonable hopes. Hyunwoo looked like the right man to rock his world (and bed). But then Jooheon was the one to actually ask him out.

Minhyuk found himself accepting without a second thought though. Jooheon turned out to be a great guy that night, with the sweetest cheeks and the sweetest smile and eyes that disappear to make room for his dimples. Minhyuk could tell he’s the caring kind from how gently Jooheon held him in his arms as they danced, from the softness of his kisses, from the flavor of his jokes. It came naturally to just forget about everyone else, about his three other friends caught in their own disillusions while he enjoyed the warmth that Jooheon simply radiated. Would it be too selfish for him to want more of it?

The image that meets him in the mirror as he inspects his reflection once more is not quite what he wanted, but then again, it almost never is. His attempts of styling the pink locks sort of failed since they stick out in various directions – at least the messy aspect looks intentional–  and his outfit is not a very fortunate combination but it would have to do. They’re not going anywhere extravagant though so there’s no point in being extra, or at least even more so than usual. Jooheon suggested bowling out of all places and Minhyuk would have asked for something else if the younger hadn’t sent tons of pleading eyes emojis with his request. A bowling arena is definitely not his first choice for a first date, but Jooheon looked so excited for such a trivial thing that Minhyuk would feel guilty to refuse.

The subway ride is too crowded for his taste but something has nudged him earlier to turn down Jooheon’s offer of picking him up with his own car, most likely the risks of his date getting his tires slashed. Was Minhyuk ashamed of himself? No, of course not – but also yes. What always made the happy go lucky guy stand out in the crowd is exactly his unapologetic personality, that flair that leaves people flabbergasted and in awe if not a little mad. Minhyuk always said it as it is, no sugar coating, no tricks of deception to conceal his flaws or shortcomings, no fucks given whatsoever. But he never showed everything his soul carried, and unlike Hoseok’s, his heart is covered by thick layers of blankets to protect it from harm. Not ice cold, like Changkyun’s prudent safety measures, but not overly gay and careless either. 

So in a way, he too is wearing a treacherous mask like any other, one to hide the depths of his feelings as not to let people take advantage of him and turn it around against him. To all appearances, Jooheon does not strike to be such a venomous type and Minhyuk did feel perfectly safe the night they met, perfectly content just holding hands and looking at each other and letting the giddy feeling bubbling in his guts take over. And then, they reunited with Hoseok and Hyunwoo and a strange wall of shame wrecked over his head, sending him with no explanation a few feet away from the boy who just asked him on a date.

Jooheon’s confusion stung Minhyuk’s heart and made him feel like a vile little man for hurting such a precious soul, but next to Hyunwoo, Minhyuk was nothing but a bug. A vermin, a lowlife, maybe even the scum of the earth, certainly not worthy of their attention like he so egotistically desires. Intimidated is one way to put it, though neither of the new guests had done anything in particular to set him off like that. However, just their presence alone was enough to make Minhyuk realize where he stood. Stunning and rich and luxurious, the way they carried themselves with unadulterated elegance and the prestige of future heirs. Nothing like Minhyuk could ever become, no tangent with how his life turned out to be so far. 

 _So out of my league_ , Minhyuk thought then and he thinks it now too as he finally stands before Jooheon. The nervousness is still very much there, obviously, but at least he is not completely mortified to appear in all his mediocre shine. Jooheon is just as dazzling as he remembers him, in spite of the regular clothes he’s wearing and even though he’s trying to hide a Rolex behind the cuff of his jacket. Butterflies float once more inside his chest when a charming grin reassures him he’s taken the right decision. _More like bumblebees feeding honey to his heart,_ Minhyuk smiles. “Hi,” Jooheon greets him and for a second Minhyuk thinks he’ll lean in to kiss him but he only proceeds to briefly wrap his arms around the skinnier man in a hug. Minhyuk, on the other hand, doesn’t resist the temptation and presses his lips against the apple of Jooheon’s cheek for just as short. 

“Hello to you too. Ready to get your ass kicked tonight?” Jooheon blinks taken aback by the confident question, pink still dusting his cheeks from the intimate gesture. He recovers quickly though and puts forth his tiger boldness leading Minhyuk inside the venue, fingers intertwined while he brags about how he is not one to back off from a challenge. Minhyuk smiles and the glee even reaches his eyes as they borrow gross shoes and decide on an alley just for themselves, unhealthy slushies in their free hands. “I haven’t played in a while, maybe months,” the pink haired disclaims putting aside his drink and grabbing the first available ball. With his back turned towards Jooheon, his date can’t see the mischievous smirk that took over his face when he prepares to strike. “Ah, don’t worry, hyung! I’ll take you easy and – ” Jooheon’s jaw drops to the literal ground as he stares in awe at the other. 

A perfect score. Minhyuk beams and bows his head, tipping an invisible hat as an invitation for the younger to take over. Jooheon steps forward, still confused how the cute boy in front of him eliminated all the pins with only one swift move of his wrist. All that after claiming he hasn’t touched a bowling ball in months. Incredible. He’ll blame his washout hit that barely scraped a few pins down the side on his date stalling him. After all, Minhyuk _is_ clinging to him quite distractingly and he also smells so nice, a hint of musk and a tint of cinnamon that probably lingers from a previous dessert. The older made it hard for Jooheon not to just turn around and kiss him until the arena shut down. Or burn to the ground, he was sure he wouldn’t notice it as long as he could taste Minhyuk’s lips. 

Yet he tries to straighten his back, monumental task when he is anything but straight at the very moment. He has to focus on the game and treat it more seriously in order to prove his words carried weight at the beginning of their night. Less than an hour later though, Jooheon hides his face behind his palms, hair ruffled from how often he messed it up after each missed split and every bad spare that Minhyuk gives funny names to. “I just made myself a turkey sandwich,” he grinned after his latest spare ended the victorious row of three strikes. “You left your grandma’s with no teeth,” he’d say later when Jooheon finally managed to tumble down four pins in one go. It all made no sense to Jooheon and finding something he’s not instantly good at is definitely not like him.

But he doesn’t mind it too much. Sure, he’s a natural winner, a fierce competitor and a born leader who likes to take charge, be the very best and show others how it’s really done. He loves setting an example and being praised for it, he loves the admiration others would hush behind his back as he passes through the office – genuine and bordering envy. If he were out with Hyungwon or Hyunwoo, he surely wouldn’t surrender without at least two consecutive games to set the score straight – again, even if that description doesn’t apply to any of them. But he’s not with his brothers, he’s not with his closest friends or colleagues. He is with Minhyuk, whose smile is so contagious Jooheon thinks he’ll never be able to wipe its mirror from his own face.

Jooheon is in love.

And if the warm look Minhyuk gives him each time they sneak an innocent kiss can be used as an indication of the older’s feelings, Jooheon believes he’s not the only one. When Minhyuk proclaims they’ve had enough bowls and pins for tonight and suggests they go grab some burgers instead, Jooheon’s sore mood flips in an instant. He can’t remember the last time he’s had such an amazing date and despite it being perfect already, each second somehow makes the night even better. Probably for Minhyuk this is no different than any other date he’s used to, but for Jooheon it is the first taste of freedom he’s had in years. Unlike his responsible hyungs, he can carry out etiquette and duties only so far before cracking under the enormous pressure his position as future CEO entails. 

Often times, Jooheon feels like a tiger in a cage, trapped in a four-wall office with but one sole window that taunts him with endless blue skies and a world full of possibilities ripped away from him the day he stepped on his current path. _It’s a circus,_ he’d mumble to Hyunwoo during their lunch break, the brief moments of liberty they can steal for themselves. _A circus and all eyes are on us, waiting for some sort of spectacular performance_ . Hyunwoo would refuse to answer his analogy, bargaining instead a few days off for the younger to recharge his batteries before returning in full force to his duties. Hyungwon, on the other hand, would shrug apathetic, fork playing with the salad he ordered with no intention of actually eating. _If you don’t want to get fed to the lions, put on your best show._

And so he did. Every day since as long as he could remember, Lee Jooheon put on a show for everyone with eyes to see. Excelling in school and sports, popular with girls and boys alike, a great friend, a charitable son of a prosper chaebol, a chef employees look up to with great esteem. For once though, Jooheon wished there was no Lee before his name, that he was just a simple guy, living a simple life. Going to the movies instead of premiers of cinematographic pieces no one cares to understand, having humble dinners with friends instead of exquisite luncheons with prospect clients, sleeping in on weekends instead of working extra hours to assure the prosperity of his inheritance. 

Minhyuk knew none of that, naturally. They come from different worlds, so far apart it’s a wonder they’ve even brushed at all, like two suns that weren’t supposed to meet finally colliding after eons of distance. It’s dangerous, Hyungwon warned him multiple times before Jooheon even made it out the door, naming a thousand reasons why dating Minhyuk will only bring them trouble and coming up with the thousand and one reason just as Jooheon closed the door. He didn’t want to believe it. He refused to. How could he give credence to such ridiculous assumptions when standing in the same booth with Minhyuk on a regular night just past midnight made him feel more alive than edging his hand into scorching fire.

In the end, maybe that’s exactly what he’s doing. He’s poking a wildfire and waiting for the forest to burn, ignoring the jeopardy he sets upon his head and more. The flame is fascinating, it’s calling for him to come closer and as he embraces Minhyuk one last time for the night, lips searching each other with the fervor of a thousand supernovas, Jooheon decides to let himself be burned. Let Minhyuk burn his horizons and raise upon his skies in the splendor of a blinding sun. And when Minhyuk smiles, Jooheon can’t look away. 

***

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!
> 
> you can also find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/seoulfulnights), my dms are always open.


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